


Undertow Pull You Down

by vagrantBreath



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Body Dysphoria, Body Horror, Castration, Guilt, M/M, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Other, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Ideation, Tentacle Rape, Went to write trash, don't know where I went wrong, ended up with horror, medically induced coma, slight vore, talk about breeding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:59:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: Lance really shouldn't have taken the shortcut. It was a bad idea. And now he has to live the consequences.Assuming he lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ... I have no idea where this came from I don't even want to know what the fuck I was just listening to [Firewall by Sh3ro](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvYQzEo2Xfw) and this decided not to let me go what the hell.

It lived for time immortal. A point fixed beyond memory, to a point beyond any fathomed measurement. It lived, and hungered. Waited, hungry for food. For those foolish enough to fall, to be caught in its grasp.

It lived.

It hungered.

It writhed, seeking out new prey.

It lived.

  


* * *

  


”Lance, for the last time, you cannot flirt with the princess.”

It really wasn’t what he wanted to do, but Lance pouted anyway. He was so bored at this party. Just... he needed something to do. Talking to the princess would be something to do. And he wasn’t really attracted to her. She had like six eyes and fangs. He was a little afraid he looked like a meal to her, and not in the sexy way. “Man, is there anything I can do?” he complained. “It seems like everything you’re telling me is to just stand here and look pretty. Which, yeah, I can do but it gets boring after a while.”

Shiro sighed. “You’re here in an official function. I know it’s boring, Lance, but all of us need to be here and we need to act professional.”

”Like Pidge is acting professional while trying to take apart one of the serving robots?”

Instantly, Shiro’s head snapped up, seeing Lance wasn’t just trying to divert his attention. He muttered a quick “shit” under his breath, which made Lance smile. It was always a treat to make Shiro flustered enough to curse. “Stay here and don’t flirt with anything,” he instructed, leaving Lance’s side to go stop Pidge.

Which left Lance more bored than before. At least with Shiro around he could talk about Paladin things. Or whine about how bored he was and have Shiro be stern at him. That at least managed to be something to do for a little bit. Instead, he just had to stand there, watching everything, pretending to be professional. Which sucked. A lot.

Why couldn’t he just go back to the Castle? He wasn’t needed. Shiro was a better diplomat than he was. And Keith and Shiro were better fighters. He was just... not needed. But no, he wasn’t allowed to go back. They needed all of Voltron there for some reason.

Lance sighed. He would do anything for something to do right now.

Keith came up beside him, a scowl crossing his face. “I know that look. Stop looking like you’re about to do something dumb.”

Okay, that wasn’t a dare to the universe to send Keith to him.

Lance grinned, turning to Keith. “What, me? Do you really think I’d do something dumb?”

”Yes.”

”I’m hurt. Really hurt.”

Keith gave him an exasperated glare, and Lance just continued to grin while thinking. Why was Keith bothering him? Keith may be his rival, but Lance was the one that bothered him. Keith wasn’t the one that came up to Lance and bugged him. Unless... “You’re just as bored as I am.”

The glare he got in response told him everything.

”Hey, I get it. This is boring. I kind of want to go back to the Castle myself. But Shiro said I can’t.”

Keith just stood there, silent, for a moment, then shook his head. “Shiro told me the same thing.”

Well, good to know Shiro was keeping both of them there against their will. “Hey. How about we both blow this joint? I bet I can make it back to the Castleship before you can.”

That made Keith tilt his head, looking at Lance. “You can’t run that fast. We’ve already proven that.”

Ow. That stung. “Bet you I can find a shortcut. And what are you going to do here anyway? Stay here and be useless? At least this way you can do something before I kick your ass.”

He could see when it stung Keith’s pride. “You’re nowhere near as fast as I am and I’m going to prove it.”

Hell yeah. “Then come on and prove it. Let’s go to the castle gates. Loser has to do all the winner’s chores for a week.”

”And give up his desserts.” He hadn’t realized Keith had such a sweet tooth before, but man. He did.

”And give up all his desserts.” Because he’d win and get all Keith’s desserts. Yum.

Keith nodded, eyes intense. Without another word, he stalked towards the exit, leaving Lance to flail and race after him. Jeez, Keith was intense about this kind of thing. Maybe he had poked at his pride a little too much to make sure he’d race him. But damn it, this was something to do. He was _bored._

Thankfully, the foot traffic at the gates was almost nonexistent. “Okay, so, we don’t have to follow each other,” Lance told him. “Because I totally know a shortcut and I can get there before you.”

Keith snorted. “I know I can get there before you. And do you think you can shut up so we can get this started any time soon?”

”Yeah yeah, keep your armor on.” Lance nodded to him, shifting his body, getting ready to run. Keith did the same, staring at him. “Get ready, get set-”

And then Lance started running, cackling as Keith swore behind him, racing to catch up. He quickly overtook him, the asshole being quite a bit faster than Lance, but he was certain he knew of a path that could get him there faster than Keith. He knew it.

So Lance turned off the path, ducking under vines and leaping over tree roots. The darkness made it hard to see, but he knew this had to be faster. He could do this. The main path turned and came back. This was a straight line. It had to be faster.

Besides, it wasn’t that difficult to navigate in the dark, and there wasn’t anything too nasty out here. Why wasn’t there a path here? Was there just nothing they could go to from here? He really would have thought that maybe there would be. The ground wasn’t that treacherous. If he could navigate it in the dark, it wasn’t that bad.

Maybe there just wasn’t a reason to come this way. Or more a reason to go west first, then back east. He didn’t know about their reasonings, just that he needed to beat Keith. Now.

  


* * *

  


Vibrations.

Prey was coming. Large. Fast.

It reached out.

  


* * *

  


He would so get there first. This was going to be so easy. Week without chores and with Keith’s desserts, here he came!

Lance leapt over a tree root, eyes in front of him. He had to be meeting up with the path sooner or later. Just a little-

Something wrapped around his ankle and yanked, causing him to fall. Lance looked behind him, his heart beating quickly as he saw what looked like a vine wrapped around him. Oh. He had just gotten tangled. That was all. He tried to kicked the vine off, reaching down to pull it off when that didn’t work. The vine felt disgusting against his gloves, slimy. It kept slipping against him, and he couldn’t get a good hold. He couldn’t-

Another vine wrapped around his left wrist, pulling it to the side. “Uh-!” Lance pulled at the vine, trying to get it to break. Oh God. What had he gotten himself into? Another vine grabbed his free leg, and his legs were yanked straight. Which left his right hand free as the vines dragged him further away from his destination, free to scrabble against the dirt. Oh God, was this why there wasn’t a path? Murderous vines?

He felt more against his body, then- his armor, being ripped off his body. Oh God. A vine wrapped itself around his mouth, blocking a scream bubbling in his chest. He panted against the gag as more vines slithered across his flight suit, seeking. Searching. A few thin ones found the edge against his neck, slithering in and ripping down, ripping the suit right off his body.

Oh God.

The vines slithered across his skin, brushing off the scraps of fabric. And- oh God, he could feel something wet lapping against his skin. There were little mouths on these vines. Little teeth. They nipped him- oh God. He was going to die. He was going to die because he had to make a stupid bet with Keith-

Lance screamed against the vine across his lips, and the vine shifted, shoving itself down his throat. He gagged, feeling a fluid bubbling across his tongue, thick and disgusting. It had to be the spit coming from the vine’s little mouth. The thing was drooling into his mouth.

Oh God.

And now he could feel the vines against his legs, biting his thighs, and now one was curling around his cock- Lance choked, his right hand reaching down blindly. No. He couldn’t- not teeth there- he-

A vine stroked between his legs as the two on his ankles pulled his legs apart, teasing his balls, seeking. Searching. Prodding.

One prodded up between his asscheeks, drooling as slid across the puckered hole. Lance’s eyes went wide as he felt the slickness, and felt the vine prodding at him, dipping in and out slightly. He tried to reach behind him, only for the vine in his mouth to shove in deeper, almost punishing him. The one around his cock throbbed, squeezed, and oh God it almost felt good. His skin felt so sensitive with the little nips and bites that the touch felt magnified, and then as the one between his legs started sliding into him, penetrating him-

Oh God.

Lance screamed, his back arching as he felt the vines biting him dig in deeper, drawing blood as the one inside him moved. He could feel it licking him and oh God it felt good. Everything about it felt good. Why did it feel good? It shouldn’t- it- But he could feel his cock throbbing in the vine’s grasp, demanding more.

And then he felt something like fangs digging inside him, and something entering him. Something that burned like poison, that raced through his body before he could blink an eye. Lance’s free hand grabbed at the dirt, trying to find something to hold onto. It hurt- he could feel it touching every part of him, and then the vines prodding at him, fangs biting between his legs, biting his balls... and he could feel the shape of them changing, growing smaller as the pain rushed through him-

He whimpered, feeling the vines prodding at him again, both inside and out. Something felt... squishy as they moved against him. Lance sobbed, his fingers digging into the dirt as he couldn’t... he couldn’t focus. It hurt and felt good and just... he couldn’t- he didn’t know what to do and now there were more vines inside him and it felt good as they licked at him, drooled inside him, nipped at him but he didn’t know how they got inside him how did they-

Slowly, they receded, letting him go. Almost disappointed. It was like he could feel the disappointment radiating from it as he curled up in the dirt, bleeding. But he was free. He could move... escape...

Lance started to shift, trying to get up. But it hurt, inside and out. Something between his legs throbbed, his veins burned... he had to move, though. Had to go, before the vines changed their minds. He couldn’t- get up, but he could writhe. Drag himself across the dirt floor. Drag himself towards the path, keep going no matter how much it hurt, no matter how tired he got. Keep going. He was almost there. Keep going, towards-

Freedom. He collapsed on the path, closing his eyes. He was free. He had done it.

And now he couldn’t move. But he was free. He wasn’t going to die at the hands of... hungry vines.

Lance closed his eyes.

  


* * *

  


It had been disgusting.

It didn’t have anything of nutritional value. Even after it changed it.

If it had eaten it, it would have been poisoned.

No.

Not prey.

  


* * *

  


Lance could hear Keith’s voice. Feel hands on him. It was too much. He whimpered, trying to shy away from the touch. He couldn’t take it. But he couldn’t move, and someone was picking him up, over the shoulder- Keith. Had he really found that big a shortcut? Was Keith just now finding him?

Or was he hallucinating? Was he dying and just imagining he was being rescued?

He felt himself being transferred to another’s arms- then stood upright, resting. If he opened his eyes, he saw a familiar glass cover come down-

His eyes closed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /says I'm going to write tentacle porn trash  
> /ends up writing tentacle rape horror
> 
> WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME

Oh God.

Keith stared at Lance’s still face, trying not to look at the rest of him. At the bleeding bites, the dirt smeared across him, the thick dark blood running rivulets between his legs- Fuck, he should have told Lance no shortcuts. He had to beat him on the same path- if he had done that, then Lance wouldn’t be in this state. He wouldn’t be-

Coran’s hand on his shoulder made him jump. “Keith,” he said gently. “He will be fine.”

No. He wouldn’t. Damn it, it was his fault. They should have stayed. He should have insisted on staying on the path. He should have known something was wrong when Lance didn’t show up- “Does Shiro know?” he asked, his voice choked.

”I’ve contacted him.”

Their leader knew. He was probably on his way back now. Fuck. If Coran hadn’t stayed behind, insisting someone had to stay in case the Castle was attacked- “It’s my fault.”

”You couldn’t have known.”

”I could have told Lance to fuck off! Or I could have told him that we had to stay on the same path!” Keith set his jaw, unable to keep his eyes from looking downward. Something had bitten Lance, tiny bites over and over until they bled. And- it looked like it had- the blood between his legs looked like he had been- “Coran, what’s the damage?”

”I don’t know yet,” he told Keith. “The cryopod is still analyzing. But it appears there was... some sort of massive trauma.”

Massive trauma. He could have told him that after looking at the puddle of blood he found Lance in.

”We should have the full analysis when the rest arrive.”

Keith nodded, staring back at Lance’s still face. It was unnatural, seeing someone as vivacious as Lance look so still. He looked-

No. He couldn’t think Lance looked dead. He wasn’t dead.

He just had to wait for Lance to wake up.

Keith could tell when Shiro entered behind them. The soft inhalation of breath gave him away, and he could always tell Shiro’s footfalls as they came closer. For a moment, Shiro only stood next to Keith, staring at Lance. What he was thinking... it wasn’t Shiro’s fault. They had decided to be the idiots. Keith had let Lance take the shortcut. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault.

”Shiro-”

”What’s the trauma report?” Shiro asked, cutting him off. He could see the guilt in Shiro’s face, and damn it, it wasn’t Shiro’s fault! Keith opened his mouth again, only for Coran to answer.

”So far, it’s been assessed that he has 46 bites on his body and... massive trauma between his legs. It-” Coran’s voice faltered here. “It appears there may be venom in his system as well. I can develop and administer an anti-venom from what’s in his system, but-”

”That would require him to be out of cryostasis.”

”Yes.”

”But never fear.” Coran’s voice filled with bravado. “These cryopods haven’t failed us yet. Once Lance is healed, I will administer the anti-venom, and he will be ready to fight again.”

Keith’s eyes were drawn between Lance’s legs, and the dark blood that stained the pod before the cryostasis was engaged. Massive trauma. It sounded like- like he had been more than-

Just think it. Lance showed signs of penetration. His ass had been bleeding.

He showed signs of rape.

Keith shuddered.

Something had done more than rape him. Something had seriously hurt him- and Keith couldn’t tell how. Damn it. If he had just-

”Keith.”

He looked up at Shiro’s voice. “It’s not your fault,” he blurted out, making Shiro’s eyes open wide. “We decided to be idiots and race back to the Castle. And I let Lance take a shortcut. It’s not your fault, Shiro. Don’t think it is.”

”Hey, whoa.” Shiro put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, concern filling his eyes. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s not your fault either. Don’t think it is. You wouldn’t have known. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Keith took a shuddering breath. It had to be someone’s fault. Someone’s fault that Lance was laying in a pod, possibly minutes from death any way they could see it. “Shiro-”

”It’s not your fault,” Shiro repeated. “Lance will be okay. He’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t his fault. Keith closed his eyes, nodding.

”Shiro.” Coran’s voice drew both of their attention again. “What do you want to tell the others?”

For a moment, Shiro thought, his hand still on Keith’s shoulder. Then, he dropped his hand, straightening his back. “Bring the others back to the Castle,” he ordered. “We need to leave as soon as possible. I don’t think we’re needed anymore anyway. We were more a show of force here. Coran, keep an eye on Lance and- keep me updated on his condition.”

”Of course.” Coran bowed slightly, then went to summon the rest.

Keith turned to look back at Lance. He would be okay. The healing pods hadn’t failed them yet, and Coran could get that anti-venom in his system before it did any real damage. He’d be fine.

He got to him before he died. He would be fine.

Or- as fine as he could be.

  


* * *

  


Massive trauma between the legs.

Shiro huffed out a breath, curling into a sit up.

Venom in his system.

Another sit up.

Bites.

Sit up.

Shiro felt the words beat in his head as he continued to do sit ups, not even counting. Finally, when it was too much, he switched, pressing his palms against the floor and lowering his chest close to the ground before pushing back up.

But that wasn’t enough. He could still see Lance laying there, bloodied. Injured from the bites, from the trauma... and Coran didn’t even know exactly what it was yet. He had been hesitant to say what had happened.

But Shiro had seen something. A lack of something. The lack of testicles dangling between Lance’s legs. Something had torn them off.

Massive trauma between the legs.

Shiro stood suddenly. He needed to train against something that would require all his attention. Down to the training room. If Keith was down there, he would kick him out and force him to bed. He was the leader. He could do stuff like that.

Instead, he ran into Coran on the way. “Ah.” The bags under Coran’s eyes told him the older Altean had been sleeping as much as Shiro had. “I had just been gone to get something to eat. There has been some... interesting developments, but I don’t wish to announce them until I’m sure.”

He didn’t want the others to know. Understandable. None of the others had taken the news that Lance was hurt and couldn’t be seen well. But it was better this way. Better that Hunk couldn’t see his friend laying there, his body covered in blood. “What is it that you’ve seen?”

Coran hesitated. “Shiro, this easily could change at any moment. It appears the cryopod is trying to heal something that... has never existed on Lance before.”

The words didn’t make any sense to Shiro. “What do you mean?”

”I believe it would be best for you to see it yourself. Ah- After I eat, perhaps-!” Coran called after Shiro as he started down to the medical bay.

”Oh. Of course.” Shiro felt a flush of embarrassment crawl up his neck. “I’ll... just meet you there then.”

Coran’s eyes softened slightly. “Shiro. Lance will be fine. It’s only an oddity.”

”I know.”

But after what happened... he didn’t want odd things. Not to Lance. Not at all.

  


* * *

  


The readout was cold, impersonal. It didn’t give Shiro a good look at what happened. It didn’t tell him everything.

It didn’t need to.

Shiro didn’t need to see the deep hole dug into Lance. He didn’t need to see what it looked like now. The readout told him enough. It told him just enough that Lance’s testes had basically been dissolved, the skin ripped away. And a hole had been dug into him, a new membrane laid down in its wake-

And he could see a large fluid filled sac pressing against the thin membrane.

”Coran, what am I looking at?”

”I wish I knew.”

The cryopod seemed to be strengthening the membrane, which eased his mind a little in regards to the sac. He didn’t know what that was, and he was afraid to know. If it was the venom, a deposit of it that could be broken and leaked into the new membrane... he didn’t know how well it absorbed, or if it could absorb. If it could, then whatever was in that sac could be absorbed into his bloodstream.

”Coran, can you do tests on what that fluid is?”

”When he gets out of cryostasis, certainly.”

It all hinged on Lance getting out of cryostasis. And living long enough with the venom in his system for the anti-venom to take hold. He had lived to make it here... and if he was healed up, his body well, he shouldn’t go into cardiac arrest before the anti-venom was administered. Shiro hoped.

”Do you know how much longer it’ll be before Lance will be out?”

”It’s hard to say.” Coran plucked at his mustache. “There is certainly quite a bit here to be fixed up. Who knows when the cryopod will consider his... new part strong enough. But I will remain here, don’t you worry! And I will let you know if anything changes.”

His new part.

Damn it. They both knew what it looked like. Whatever had attacked him had changed Lance’s body to try to... Shiro didn’t even want to know. It hadn’t... changed him to add anything else. To... breed him.

Unless that was supposed to be a place he was just supposed to carry.

What happened? Had it tried to eat him? Had it wanted to breed with him? Or... would it have been both, his decomposing body feeding his attacker’s young?

Why had Lance gotten away? What was that sac?

... what had Lance brought back with them?


	3. Chapter 3

Lance still wasn’t out. He still laid in the cryopod, healing. Each time Keith went to go see if the pod was empty, just needed cleaning, Lance still laid there.

Keith ran a hand over his face, groaning as he laid in bed. It scared him. Lance was supposed to be annoying. In his face. Not... like this. And neither Coran nor Shiro would tell them what happened to Lance. Only that he was hurt. Of course, why would they, Keith reasoned cynically. Why would they tell the others that Lance had been raped? That was something Lance needed to tell them, if he ever did.

And the massive trauma...

What had it been? Now that Keith looked back, it didn’t seem as easy as just being raped. It was _massive_ trauma. While that could happen, especially with a large object, he doubted it would cause that kind of... intense bleeding. The kind that just... covered his entire crotch.

That was it. That was what was weird about it.

The bleeding covered everything. It wasn’t just his ass and thighs. Whatever had happened-

Keith jumped out of bed, running for the med bay. What had he seen? What was it? He raced down the halls, his footfalls echoing eerily through the air. What had he seen? Or was it- a lack of something? Fuck... he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think it. Lance didn’t- he had to-

Coran looked over at Keith as he entered, surprise crossing his face. “Ah, Keith! What can I do for you?”

”Lance,” he said shortly. “What is the massive trauma between his legs?”

Uneasily, Coran looked away. “This is something that Lance should-”

”What is the trauma?! I know he was- I could tell. That something penetrated him.” Nice way of saying raped. “So I know that. But what is the trauma? What made him bleed like that?”

”Keith, I simply cannot tell you.”

”What’s missing between his legs?!”

Coran closed his eyes, and Keith knew. He knew his wild guess that it was something that was missing was the correct one. Something slick and oily shifted in his stomach, and he swallowed, hard. Lance still had his dick. That meant-

”Will he be okay?”

It surprised both of them when the words came out as calm as they did. “The answer is more complex than you think,” Coran told him gently. “Please, let me handle this. I will do all I can to ensure Lance will make it out of this alive.”

Alive, but not whole.

Keith swallowed again, nodding.

If they hadn’t raced, Lance wouldn’t be like this. He shouldn’t have even talked to Lance at the party. Then he wouldn’t have done something dumb like this. Either of them wouldn’t have done something dumb like this.

”Keith.” He looked up at Coran, blinking. “I will handle this. Please, return to your room.”

Return to his room.

What else could he do? Just go back, and wait.

No. He wasn’t any good at waiting. He had to do something. He had to-

He couldn’t do anything.

”Okay.”

Slowly, he turned and left, his feet dragging. What could he do? All that could be done was being done by the cryopod. He could help Lance after he got out, but he was terrible emotional support. One of the others may have used the words ‘emotionally constipated’ at some point regarding him. He wanted to tell Hunk, the person who would be the good support, but... if there was one thing he knew, it was letting Lance tell someone something like this. Not revealing it himself. Lance may not... want anyone to know and Keith would bet his dagger it would ruin their ability to form Voltron if Keith was the one to tell them about what happened to Lance.

But... he couldn’t just go back to his room.

Keith turned, going straight for the training room. He knew what he’d do instead.

  


* * *

  


”Coran, I don’t like this idea.”

”I don’t either,” Coran told Shiro. “But the cryopod is keeping him in a coma due to the venom. It won’t continue its job until that is cleared out. In order to finish the job, I must administer the anti-venom now.”

Shiro shook his head. “You’ve told me you’re going to override the cryopod and eject him early. What’s that going to do for the rest of him? Is he in stable enough condition to handle this?”

Coran sighed. “That, I don’t know. Your physiology is still so new to me, Shiro. But I would think Lance can handle being out of the cryopod long enough for me to inject him with the anti-venom. It should take effect quickly, and we should be able to get him back in a flash.”

He still didn’t like the idea. The... new organ still wasn’t exactly stable, and he had a feeling if Lance moved wrong, it would tear. And the cryopod hadn’t just strengthened the membrane, but helped route nerve endings there, blood vessels. It... it really would resemble a type of... reproductive organ by now. And if it tore, there might be intense blood loss.

”If we do this, I want to be there in case you need a second pair of hands,” he told Coran. “I don’t want to risk any tearing.”

Coran nodded. “Of course. If you would hold him in the cryopod while I injected him, it would be for the best.”

He liked nothing about this. But it was what he had to do to make sure Lance lived. Shiro nodded. “When do you think you’ll be able to override the cryopod?”

”The anti-venom is ready. It shouldn’t take more than a few ticks to open the pod, administer it, and close it again.”

There was a standard list of curse words anyone in the Garrison knew. It was almost a chant to say when things when wrong. The string ran through Shiro’s head as he closed his eyes, ending with a half-sent prayer to any gods that might be listening. Please let Lance be okay. Please let him live.

”Okay. Let’s do it.”

  


* * *

  


Sense came back to him. Sound. Lance opened his eyes, groggily, and saw two figures. Black and orange... Shiro and Coran? He swallowed, moving to take a step forward, only to be caught-

Held-

The hands on his bare skin pushing him back, the hands over his oversensitized skin, making him gasp as his body _burned_ -

Lance’s body arched against the back of the cryopod as he moaned. He gripped the hands, alternating tearing at them to _let him go no stop it_ and holding on as the pain rippled through him, up inside of him, making him throb and groan as he writhed, not sure when it tipped past pain into wanting more, needing more-

And then there was a prick against his arm.

And the cover came back down as the arms drew back, leaving him in the cryopod alone as his body burned before he lost consciousness.

  


* * *

  


Shiro could see the membrane had torn while Lance struggled in his arms. But not much, thank God. It was being healed right now, and the anti-venom had done its job. He was healing.

But that sac... Shiro’s eyes kept falling to it. He wanted it aspirated. He wanted it out of Lance’s body. Something told him... if it burst, Lance might change even more. Or even worse than that... Lance might be carrying something that would infect the rest of them.

He needed it drained and safely locked away.

”Coran-”

”Fascinating!” Coran plucked at his mustache. “The reaction that our young Lance had- of course, it was panicked, but there was a large increase in adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin-”

”Coran, what does that mean?” Shiro interrupted.

”Shiro, I believe when he finally felt the venom again, he was sent into an intense state of sexual arousal.”

The way Lance grasped at him, his body writhing in the cryopod as he gasped and moaned suddenly was thrust into a different light. And made his stomach turn, knowing the changes Lance had to his body and what he was holding inside. Whatever had attacked him had injected him with something to make him feel arousal.

Something had forced him to be aroused while attacked. Changed.

”Coran, when can you drain the sac?” he asked, clenching his hands.

Instead of answering, Coran just looked at Lance. “As soon as I possibly can,” he finally said.

They both knew it.

Lance had been changed for some purpose. And all signs pointed towards breeding.

They needed to get that sac out of him before it burst.

Or grew.


	4. Chapter 4

The cryopod refused to eject Lance normally. It held onto him, continually healing. Every time Keith came to visit, Lance still laid there.

He should have been out by now. Even Keith knew that. Lance should have been out. Keith could see the healed bites, and it looked like the... trauma between his legs had been healed. So all that was left was getting him out... and the cryopod didn’t want to do that.

It hurt. It hurt every time Keith stopped by to see the cryopod keeping Lance in there. And no one would tell him why. He could tell Coran and Shiro knew, but... he didn’t know. It was his fucking fault Lance was in there. So he felt like he should know what was going on.

But... Keith looked up at Lance’s sleeping face. They didn’t tell him. They didn’t tell anyone. They kept it to themselves. Hell, the only other one other than those two that managed to get in here was Keith, and that was because he had to. He had been the one to agree to Lance’s dare. He had to see.

Coran and Shiro would be back at any time. He should probably go. But he just couldn’t leave. Lance... could wake up. Then Keith could yell at him for being dumb. He could tell him that he should have never taken a shortcut in territory he didn’t know. Not in the dark. He could yell at him that it would have been more fair to beat him on the path than take a shortcut.

He could do a lot of things if Lance woke up.

But he didn’t.

Keith could hear Coran and Shiro’s voices. No matter what, he’d be caught now. It didn’t matter. Maybe one of them would actually fucking answer some questions now. He turned as they answered, crossing his arms. The both of them fell silent, looking guilty. “I thought I had locked the door,” Coran said, a little surprised.

”I got a key.” Named Pidge. She had refused to do this for Hunk since she had a feeling he wouldn’t take it well and would affect everyone, but she trusted Keith to handle it.

Shiro sighed, and Keith knew Shiro had guessed exactly who that key was. “I’ll have a talk with Pidge later,” he said, confirming it. “For right now, Keith, let us take care of this. It’ll be okay.”

”Can you at least tell me what’s going on? I fucking found him! I think I deserve to know what’s going on with him!”

When Shiro didn’t admonish him for his language, Keith knew it was something serious. “The cryopod is keeping him asleep,” he told him. “There is... internal damage that needs to be healed as well.”

Internal.

He hadn’t thought of that. Of course. Internal damage from rape. Especially if his attacker wasn’t kind, and they didn’t look like they were. But- “Shouldn’t that be healed by now too?”

Coran and Shiro looked at each other. “It’s not that easy,” Shiro told him cautiously. “Keith... what happened to him is massive. It’s more than you can imagine. And-”

”Then fucking tell me what it is! Goddamn it, Shiro!” Keith moved quickly, getting up in Shiro’s face. “I made the bet with him. I found him. I need to know. What’s wrong with him?”

Shiro shook his head. “Keith. This is... something Lance himself should tell you.”

Damn it. He shouldn’t have pushed Shiro. Of course it’s something Lance should tell him. It wasn’t Shiro’s place. Keith relented, muttering something even he didn’t know under his breath. He looked up at Shiro as he placed a hand on his shoulder, a small weary smile on his lips. “I just feel responsible,” Keith told him quietly.

Shiro looked over at Coran. “I don’t see a reason why he couldn’t be here when we override the system,” Coran said. “I will need to administer another dose of anti-venom in a bit.”

Anti-

A cold chill ran down Keith’s back. God, he had forgotten about that. “Venom?”

”Well, yes.” Coran looked annoyed. “What attacked him injected him with some sort of venom. I’ve administered something to counteract it, and it appeared to work at first, but now the cryopod refuses to let him out, saying the venom is still there. I’m honestly at a loss, but I will inject him with another dose to see if that works.”

”Then why put him back in? Shouldn’t he be okay after that?”

Shiro and Coran looked at each other again. “There might be... tearing,” Coran finally said carefully. “The last time we overrode the system, Lance struggled in our arms and there was tearing.”

Of the new skin over... where his balls used to be. Damn it. “Then don’t hold him. He was... he was raped. Holding him down would make him think about it.”

”Keith, it’s not that easy-”

”Then why don’t you show me why it’s not that easy,” he yelled at Shiro. “Right now! Override the goddamn system and let me see why it’s not that fucking easy!”

Coran and Shiro looked at each other, and nodded. “This may not be easy to watch,” Shiro warned as Coran went to open the cryopod. “The venom is reacting strangely inside of him.”

Keith set his jaw. He didn’t care. He needed to see.

The cover lifted.

  


* * *

  


The world came back to him. Lance slowly opened his eyes, looking around. Coran... Shiro... Keith... where were Allura, Hunk, and Pidge? He opened his mouth, only to cough. Lance raised one arm to cough into, then paused. The arm was... bare- he was bare-

The rip of his suit off his skin-

He felt something against his face, and he flinched. But as soon as it touched him, his skin burned. It ached, fiery from the crotch up. It hurt. Burned. He was on fire, he was screaming-

He _needed_ -

A moan slipped out of his throat, reaching for the touch. He didn’t want the touch- he needed the touch- he was hurting he was burning up he was so empty so needy-

He could feel something shift inside of him as he moved, trying to reach for more. He could feel it slosh, press up inside him-

And then a prick against his arm.

And the burning went away, making him gasp.

Lance fell back against the back of the cryopod, staring up at the ceiling as he gasped for air. The absence of the burn, the need- He closed his eyes, feeling them well up with the sudden relief.

”-should go back-” he heard Coran’s voice from far away, and he struggled to open his eyes, blinking away tears.

”Why?” he asked quietly. “Where?”

”Ah.” Coran looked over at him. “Lance. We’ve had to override the cryopod to let you out early to inject you-”

Lance shook his head. “Why do I need to go back?”

”The cryopod was keeping you asleep for some reason. I feel it’s a good idea to return you to sleep and allow the cryopod to finish what it was doing.”

Lance closed his eyes tightly.

”What happened to me?”

He heard Coran hesitate.

”I mean, I remember. I remember... being attacked. What happened to me? What happened to my body?”

”Lance-”

Slowly, he opened his eyes, looking at Shiro. “Tell me,” he rasped.

He saw Keith lean against the wall, arms crossed. Waiting. Maybe he hadn’t heard either. If he had, Lance wanted him to tell him. Anyone. Someone.

Coran and Shiro looked at each other, then Keith. With a nod, Coran went back to the cryopod, letting Shiro talk. “What do you remember, Lance?” he asked, his voice kind.

Lance looked away. “Being attacked by some hungry vines. Being... being...” His breath started to come faster, the memory of the slick vines wrapped around his wrist and legs- in his throat- the bites- “Being- eaten-” he managed to get out.

”Hey.” Shiro’s voice was even, calm, Gentle. “Don’t force it.”

”It- penetrated me.” His voice was strangled by this point. “It-”

He shifted, remembering the vines between his legs, in-

Inside-

Lance stopped. Froze.

Then he started screaming.

They were inside him, and he didn’t know how-

  


* * *

  


Lance’s sudden screaming made Keith jump. He hadn’t expected anything he had seen or heard- Lance had sounded really weird before Coran gave him the shot, and it was a little uncomfortable - but now, watching Lance scream and huddle over his crotch-

He remembered. He remembered what happened.

Keith felt sick.

And then the scream tapered off into whimpering, and finally into silence.

”It was inside me,” Lance whispered, his voice far away. Almost as if he didn’t know he was talking. As if he was in shock. “How was it inside me?”

He wasn’t making sense. He knew it penetrated him, so-

Shiro looked over at Keith. Instead of leaving, he shook his head, glaring. With a soundless sigh, Shiro turned to Lance. “Lance, your body... is a little different now,” he told him gently. “It can be changed with surgery, but-”

”How?” Lance was definitely in shock if his voice was that dreamlike. Keith could watch him reach down between his legs, behind his cock- and- slid a finger inside.

He could slide a finger inside himself from there.

”Ah...”

What the fuck... why was Lance making that noise?

Coran pulled out a scanner, pressing it to Lance’s skin “Quiznak! The venom has returned, and in higher quantities than before!”

Keith watched in disbelief as Lance started rutting on his own fingers in front of everyone. Was this was the venom- holy shit, so Lance did sound aroused back then. And he thought he had just been dirty minded. He looked away as Coran gave him another shot, not wanting to see more.

”Coran,” he heard Shiro say.

There was a sound of something shifting, then the cryopod cover closing. When Keith looked up, Lance was laying there in cryostasis again, having been rearranged to look almost comfortable. Not like he had been affected by some sort of... aphrodisiac venom inside him.

Keith had no idea what to make of any of what he just saw. He knew... what was wrong with Lance. But what... what could he do about it? He couldn’t give Lance his balls back and take away... something obviously he didn’t ask for. He couldn’t take away whatever was pumping that aphrodisiac venom in him. He couldn’t go back in time and force those vines not to try to eat and rape him.

He shook his head. “I’m going back to my room,” Keith told them, making Shiro look over at him.

”Keith, if you wouldn’t tell the others. We’re not even really sure what’s wrong with Lance, and... the trauma he endured should be told by Lance himself.”

”Of course.” He didn’t even plan on telling anyone.

”And Keith... I know it’s hard to see that. If you need to talk-”

”I’m fine.”

Shiro didn’t push. He knew Keith. He wouldn’t.

Keith turned, stalking out of the room. He couldn’t be in there anymore. Not after what he saw. Not after- God. What did he see what had just happened?

What was wrong with Lance?


	5. Chapter 5

The sound Lance made remained in Keith’s ears all day. It distracted him though training, causing Allura to yell at them as they failed, over and over, thanks to Keith’s inability to concentrate. Shiro kept looking at him, sympathetic, but he couldn’t- _Shiro_ was okay. He wasn’t distracted by the echo of Lance moaning, driving his fingers deeper into himself. Unable to stop himself, a venom racing through his veins-

Damn it. Even now, just walking down a hall, he remembered it. Just walking towards his room, he stopped, remembering that sound, feeling it echo in his ears. Keith closed his eyes, taking a shuddering breath.

”Keith.” His eyes snapped open and he looked up at Shiro. Damn it. He hadn’t even hear Shiro come up to him. “Do you need to talk?”

He needed to have his memory scrubbed. “No.”

”It’s okay to need to-”

”No,” Keith repeated, sharper. “I don’t need to talk about what I saw or- whatever. I’m fine.”

And damn it, Shiro knew that he was lying. Damn it, why did they know each other so well? “It’s okay, Keith. What you saw... Lance’s position worries me too.” He sighed. “There is... something else left in his body that worries me. I would like it taken care of, but the venom-”

”Have you figured that out yet? Where it’s coming from?”

Shiro shook his head, starting to walk towards the med bay and motioning for Keith to follow him. “We have an idea,” he told him. “The thing left in his body holds liquid. Coran hasn’t noticed any sort of decrease in the volume, but he thinks it’s slowly leaking into Lance’s body. He says he wouldn’t notice anything until it became obvious.”

”In which case, Lance could be severely poisoned,” Keith said bitterly.

”We’re going to try to override the controls again. This time, to try and drain it.” Shiro hesitated. “Keith, I won’t ask you to stay and watch, but I know you’ve been wanting to know what’s going on.”

Shiro was asking him if he wanted to watch them stick something into Lance. Who might not take it well. Lance had already been forced something new on him, something... damn it, Keith didn’t even know how Lance had been penetrated that way. How something had been forced upon him there. But if it was anything like what Coran wanted to do, Lance wouldn’t take it well.

And Keith would have to see it.

”I’m going to go train,” he told him instead, feeling his stomach flip. He couldn’t watch this.

Shiro nodded. “Don’t worry, Keith,” he told him, clasping his shoulder. “We’ll make sure Lance is going to be okay.”

Yeah.

He had to be.

  


* * *

  


He was really starting to hate being awoken from cryostasis. Lance blinked, looking at Shiro and Coran. No Keith this time. Huh. He looked away as Coran came forward, biting his lip as he injected him with something. Whatever it was, it made the lowkey burning fade. “Okay,” he rasped out. “So what’s the plan?”

Coran’s back straightened. “Ah. So good of you to ask. You see, I believe you-”

”We need to be delicate about this, Coran,” Shiro chided, making Coran pout. “Lance. Your body’s... changed inside and out. Those vines implanted something inside you.”

Lance went cold. He had felt the ragged edges of- he refused to think of it as a vagina. He knew what that was supposed to look like and having a hole ripped into him wasn’t it. If it was one, he would... probably eventually be okay with it. But it wasn’t. It was something brutally ripped and forced on him. And now something else had been forced on him. Fuck. Had the vines wanted to do something else to him? Was the reason it tried to fuck him was because it wanted him to have its kids? Bile rose in his throat at the thought. His hands dropped to his stomach, imagining a little bundle of vines growing inside him- and then bursting out of him, attacking the rest of the crew.

”As far as we can tell,” Shiro told him soothingly, “it’s just fluid. It doesn’t appear to be growing anything within.”

Okay. So he wasn’t pregnant.

Shit. Could he? Was there something in that sac that could be fertilized?

”But the fluid appears to be more of the venom. With your permission, we would like to drain it.”

Lance nodded furiously. “Get this shit the fuck out of my system,” he whispered.

Shiro nodded to Coran, who stepped forward. “Lance, I will need to touch you,” he warned. “And I will need to touch your genital region. Will you need anything?”

Shit. He didn’t want to be put under. He had enough of that. He wanted to be awake the entire time, but he didn’t want to be held down either. Just the thought of it made his throat tighten. “No,” he finally whispered. “Just do it.”

Coran looked at him with sympathy, and went to get his tools. As he came back, Lance shifted, grunting. His body was starting to feel warm again. The venom. Damn it. He wanted it gone. And it would be, in just a little bit. He just had to deal with a little touch-

”I’m going to touch you now,” Coran warned, waiting for Lance’s nod. Then, gently, he started prodding Lance’s groin area, searching.

Lance moaned, arching into the touch. He was pressing against something so good, so nice- just more of that. More. He needed more. If Coran would just keep- would just move his hands lower- Or if Shiro would replace him, if Shiro would lift his legs and slide right into him-

Then he felt the slide of something against his skin, something rubber and round, and he froze, breath stopping for a moment-.

Lance kicked out. He wasn’t going to let the vines come any closer. His body braced against the back, kicking the attacker away. Then he pushed himself out, throwing himself into a run as soon as he did.

The vines were going to get him again. They were going to get him and eat him and make him pregnant and force him to have vine babies that would eat the rest of the crew and he had to leave he had to go-

Sound behind him. Coming after him. The vines.

He ran.

  


* * *

  


The sound of bare feet running made Keith stop, tilting his head. What was that? He turned, only to see the brown streak of Lance’s skin run past the end of the hall. Swearing, Keith ran after him. Damn it. Something was wrong. Something went terribly wrong.

He didn’t see Lance when he got to the end of the hall, but he knew where the hall lead to. Keith turned around, heading the other direction. If he was right, he’d run right into Lance. Damn it. What happened? Why was Lance literally streaking through the halls?

It wasn’t until he reached a relatively unused part of the castle that he saw Lance again, running his way. Good. He had been right. Keith reached out as he came up, and caught Lance as the came by, holding him lightly. “Hey. Hey, it’s just me,” he said, a little roughly. “Calm down. What’s wrong?”

”It’s after me,” Lance babbled, looking behind him. “The vines- it’s-”

Keith pulled Lance closer, his hand straying to his bayard. His eyes scanned the end of the hall, but there was nothing. He didn’t see anything. “I think you lost it,” he told Lance quietly.

”Ah-”

Oh goddamn it. Keith stared at Lance in disbelief. Here and now? He was going to be affected by the venom here and now? Lance looked behind him, affirming what Keith said, but he could feel Lance starting to rub up against him, his breath panting. Keith started to pull away, awkward, only for Lance to grab onto him, arching into him, moaning.

It sounded like he was in pain.

Damn it. This- this was all his fault. Lance being in this position- Keith awkwardly ran a hand down Lance’s back, making him shudder. If he hadn’t gone over to him, poked at him, Lance wouldn’t be like this. They would be like normal. Keith looked around, seeing if anyone was nearby- but no, there were in an unused area.

”I’m sorry,” he whispered against Lance’s cheek. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

Lance nodded eagerly, rolling his hips up against Keith. He hadn’t exactly meant- no, this would help him. If he helped burn what was in his system out- or at least made him a little more clear headed. A little less like he needed to be fucked right now. He’d do it. Keith swallowed, pressing his lips against Lance’s collar as he reached down, stroking his cock.

”No, no,” Lance whined. “Fuck me.”

God, he didn’t sound like himself. He sounded- no, he couldn’t fuck him. Not like this. Not while he was high on aphrodisiacs. He shouldn’t even be doing this. But Keith shifted his hand, letting go of Lance’s cock to trace the ragged edges of the hole, feeling the wetness against his fingers. Then, with a deep breath, he slowly pushed two fingers in.

It... felt strange. It clung to his fingers in a strange way. But Lance’s head fell back as he moaned, clinging to Keith. Words spilled from his lips, garbled noises with Keith and... Shiro’s name mixed in. Of course. He... he wouldn’t be on Lance’s mind alone. Keith licked his lips, then lightly kissed Lance’s neck and collar as he moved his fingers, hearing Lance above him. Hear him remembering Keith was there before spilling his true desire to have Shiro-

He didn’t know how long he thrust his fingers inside Lance. Long enough for him to go silent, holding onto Keith tightly. But he hadn’t felt Lance come. He hadn’t seen any- unless it was different now? Fuck...

Then, suddenly, Shiro was pulling them apart.

Lance flopped backwards into Shiro’s arms, boneless. Unseeing.

Keith’s breath stopped at the sight. He wasn’t... acting blissed out. He was acting... like he wasn’t really there. Shiro snapped his fingers in front of Lance’s face, and Lance barely followed the fingers, his eyes moving ever so slightly. Cursing, Shiro placed two fingers against the pulse point in Lance’s throat, and Keith just watched, frozen.

”I need to get him back to the cryopod,” Shiro finally said. “He’s alive. Barely.”

The words made Keith’s knees buckle. Barely. He had... Keith nodded without thinking, without really looking at Shiro. He had almost...

He watched Shiro leave quickly with Lance, feeling the slick against his fingers dry.

Then he screamed, punching the wall.


	6. Chapter 6

Damn it.

Shiro held Lance closer as he ran through the halls, cursing under his breath. They should have given Lance some kind of sedative. Something to calm him down while Coran drained the sac. They had been so stupid in thinking he could handle it. Of course he couldn’t. The vines had hurt him, had... had changed him, and if they wanted to do the same to Lance’s body, he would have to agree to be knocked out.

Except now they wouldn’t have a choice, would they? They would have to choose from here what to do, what would save Lance’s life. The memory of Lance’s weak pulse fluttering against his fingers came back to him, and Shiro held him tighter. No, he wasn’t going to let Lance die. He wasn’t- he was going to save him. He hadn’t kept a close eye on Keith and Lance, and this is what happened. This time, at least, he could help Lance.

And Keith... Keith. He had seen the guilt in Keith’s face every time he came to visit. And the desperate look on his face as he drove his fingers into Lance, almost as if begging for Lance to forgive him for everything-

Lance, slowly dying in his arms and Keith not even realizing it-

Shiro entered the med bay, causing Coran to look up from the cryopod readout. “Oh dear- you must get him back into the cryopod!”

It made Shiro hesitate. If he was put back in, the venom was still in his system, and would need another dose. If he got the dose and was put back in, he would still have the slowly leaking sac. But if they drained the sac now, they might risk Lance going into cardiac arrest. “Coran-”

After a moment, Coran nodded, obviously having come to the same line of thought. “I will administer another dose,” he told him. “But Lance has to be the one to decide-”

”We can’t afford that.” It hurt to say it. It felt like a breach of Lance’s trust, but- “The next time, we might not be so lucky. We... we need to get it out of him now.”

Coran looked at him, then at Lance. He could see ethics warring with necessity warring on his face. They could risk his life in waiting for Lance’s approval in sedating him and drain it then... or drain it now.

But they would need to choose soon.

”Put him in the cryopod," Coran finally said. “I will administer another dose, and drain the sac.”

Shiro swallowed, nodding. It made him feel sick as he laid Lance back, but he watched as Coran gave him another shot, then probed his groin gently before finding what he wanted, grabbing the needle and tubing. Lance reacted weakly, gasping slightly as he touched him, but Coran slid the needle in before Lance could do more than that. Shiro watched as a thin green liquid rushed out of Lance’s body into a bag, watched it drain out of Lance. He watched as Coran did another scan on him, hands clenched tight.

”The sac is empty,” he told Shiro. “And he has no venom in his system. I will be putting him back under now.”

Shiro just nodded.

Lance looked almost peaceful as he went back.

  


* * *

  


He felt like such a creep.

Keith clenched his fist, rubbing his thumb over his first two fingers. He imagined feeling that slick against them again, the slide and cling of Lance against him- the taste of Lance’s skin-

He shouldn’t have done it. He should have taken Lance back to the med bay. Lance had just been hallucinating, he knew that now. So when he caught Lance, he should have not gone with the instinct that said hey, someone’s being sexual around you, be sexual back. He had a working brain, damn it.

Yeah, except he had proven that was false back when Lance made the bet with him.

Keith took a deep breath, getting ready to take a shower. He had been uncomfortably warm for the entire day, and a nice cold shower would be useful, in more ways than one. He slid his jacket and shirt off, shivering at the feeling of cloth slithering across his skin. What the hell. It only got worse as he pulled off his gloves, the feeling making him gasp.

He would need to go to the med bay after his shower. This wasn’t normal. But right now, he smelled like a wild animal and that would not do. Shower.

The instant he tested the water temperature with his hand, making sure it wasn’t too cold, he gasped, falling to his knees. The way the water droplets rolled over his skin, leaving wet cold trails behind, soaking it...

Something wasn’t right. Something really wasn’t right.

Keith took a deep breath. He hadn’t gone further than top and gloves, ready to strip completely bare if the temperature was ready. He was still okay to leave the room and go down to the med bay. With a deep breath, he turned off the water, trying not to pay attention to how things felt under him. How his skin was starting to burn.

Get to the med bay. One foot in front of the other. Keep moving. Keep breathing.

Why was this so hard? Why did he want to stop... why did his skin keep... keep...

Keith collapsed. He groaned, fingers digging into the floor as he tried to get up, but the cold floor seeped into him, it felt so good-!

There was noise. Someone calling his name. And now- Shiro. In front of him. “Keith,” he repeated, worried. “What’s wrong?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but a moan escaped his lips instead. A fucking moan. Damn it. What was wrong with him? Shiro placed a hand on his forehead and- fuck, he needed more of that. Keith leaned into the touch, groaning. It felt so good.

”Shit.” Why was Shiro swearing? What got to him now? “Keith, I’m going to have to touch you to get you to the med bay.” He barely had time to nod before Shiro was picking him up, walking quickly. What was wrong? What did Shiro know?

Fuck, Shiro felt good. Keith panted, nosing Shiro’s neck. Fuck...

Shiro’s hands tightened on him.

They entered the med bay. “Coran!”

Surprised, Coran jumped, looking over at them. “Oh my! Shiro, Keith, whatever is the matter?”

”I need you to test Keith for the venom,” Shiro said grimly, and Keith lifted his head slightly. Venom? But he hadn’t been bitten...

Coran nodded, pulling out a scanner. His eyebrows jumped as he ran it over Keith’s body. “You have traces of the venom as well. However could this be?”

Shiro was quiet, just holding Keith as Coran grabbed a dose of anti-venom. “I hope this is the last needed,” he said, worried. “It isn’t healthy for any race to have to constantly have anti-venom shots.” With those words, he grabbed one of Keith’s arms, making him moan as he gave Keith the shot.

Within seconds, the burning had faded, leaving him. Keith sighed, resting his head against Shiro’s shoulder. He was so tired now...

”Keith, I would like to do some tests,” Coran told him. “And I would also like to do a indepth scan of your body. After what has happened to Lance, I am worried what the venom does to a human body and I would like to monitor you for a while.”

Slowly, Keith looked over at him, not quite getting it. Monitor him?

Shiro sighed. “Keith, I think this is a good idea,” he told him quietly. “We don’t know how you got poisoned, and we don’t exactly know what this does to a person.”

Keith murmured something, though he didn’t know what. He was tired. He wanted to rest.

Coran sighed in relief. “Then Keith, if you could enter a cryopod? We should ensure all damage to your body from the venom is first healed.” When Keith nodded without thinking, Shiro helped him into one. “I promise I will help you both,” Coran told him solemnly. “On my pride and life.”

Then the lid came down.

  


* * *

  


Shiro stared at Keith’s body, so still next to Lance’s.

Coran was saying something. Probably something important.

But all he could remember was watching Keith drive fingers into Lance, into the canal next to the slowly leaking sac.

And the fluid that they drained out of Lance.

If he had just stayed on them... or better yet, actually let them go, with supervision...

He’d make sure they would be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

The sound of Coran dropping something behind him made Shiro jump, pulled from his thoughts. He turned, seeing Coran shaking his head, starting to clean up the medical supplies he had dropped. Slowly, sleepily. Shiro came over to him, helping. “You can go get some food and rest,” he told Coran softly.

”I think that is a poor idea,” Coran said back, just as soft. “If young Lance or Keith were to need help-”

”They’ll be fine. You haven’t eaten or slept well since this happened. They’ll need you well rested and fed more than they’ll need you constantly here.”

Coran shook his head, starting to yawn. “Shiro, this is a bad idea. You are not trained in this equipment, and I-” His face fell. “I should remain, to ensure Lance will not need more help. It’s the least I can do after bringing back memories of his attack.”

”It’s my fault too,” Shiro told him gently. “I should have realized the tubing would remind him of the vines, and pressed for sedation. The fact I didn’t-”

”It’s not your fault.” Coran’s voice was sharp, and Shiro could see the lack of sleep breaking his patience. “We followed Lance’s wishes. The only time you went against them was to save his life.” Coran closed his eyes, and fell silent. Shiro worried that he had fallen asleep for a moment, that he had been that tired, before he sighed. “And now I’m not even sure how Keith has become infected with the venom as well,” he said, opening his eyes. “I am not sure how the venom even affects humans in the long term. And I worry that we will never see our Paladins again, that it will always affect them to the point they will require constant medical attention.”

”Coran-”

”The venom almost stopped Lance’s heart,” Coran continued. “So much of it had entered his system. If I had held Lance down before he kicked me, I would have been able to drain it then. But even lightly pressing on the sac to find it caused venom to enter his system, and if I had been even a tick slower with the anti-venom he would have died.”

”Coran-”

He sighed. “I apologize, Shiro.” Coran shook his head. “What has happened has taken its toll on all of us. We are all close to the breaking point.”

Shiro couldn’t respond to that for a moment. Finally, he reached out, clasping Coran’s shoulder. Coran smiled weakly, covering Shiro’s hand with his own. “I didn’t know,” Shiro finally said, dropping his hand.

”I didn’t wish to worry you.” Coran looked over at the in use cryopods. “Our Paladins are our first concerns.”

”My first concern is my team,” Shiro corrected. “That includes Allura and yourself.”

That only made Coran smile sadly. “Alas, to ensure they will not be left alone when they are needed the most, one must make sacrifices.”

Shiro couldn’t say anything after that. Instead, he only clasped Coran’s shoulder again. “You should rest here, then,” he told him quietly. “So if something happens, you can hear it and wake up. I can bring you food.”

Coran hesitated, then nodded. “Yes. That should be good.”

”I’ll be right back.”

Coran nodded again, turning back to the supplies he had dropped. Shiro had a feeling, when he returned, Coran would be sitting down, sleeping.

And he would not be upset in the least seeing that.

  


* * *

  


What now. Why was Lance waking up now? What else could they be doing to him? He blinked as the lid opened, looking around. Where was Shiro? Or Coran? Or even Keith? Or anyone else? Slowly, he took a step out, and hesitated when it felt wrong. Something was missing- oh. Yeah. Right. The not really a vagina. The maybe it would be if it wasn’t obviously a hole ripped into him.

Lance swallowed, trying to force his panic down. Not time for that. Instead, he looked around, trying to take in why he woke up now. Why had the cryopod ejected him? Maybe... maybe he was finally well enough to be out of there?

That would be nice. Even... even if he wasn’t the same. If with every moment, he could tell he wasn’t the same person. The emptiness between his legs, the feeling of something needed to be filled inside him, the lack of sloshing inside him-

Lance shuddered, placing a hand over the patch of hair above his dick. Yeah, he wanted it out. But... he wanted to be awake when it happened. While Keith... while Keith finger banged him, he just started to... slip away. His mind just went away. It had felt so good, but... it wasn’t like it had felt so good his mind was blown. No, it was... it was different. He could feel his heart skipping as his mind slipped, beating weaker. And then he was senseless-

And then they drained him without him knowing.

Lance wanted to puke.

It felt like one violation after another. Penetrated, body changed, drained without him knowing- the last he wanted, but he wanted to know when it happened. He wanted to be awake. But instead they did it while he didn’t know what was going on.

Lance fell to his knees, dry heaving. Nothing came up, but he still felt like puking at the thought.

He heard someone suddenly wake up, and he looked over to see Coran sitting up from his spot in the corner. Coran stood when he saw Lance, his face bright. “Ah! Lance, you’ve awoken naturally! How are you feeling?”

Coran was just so... chipper about the whole thing. Like he hadn’t just- Lance swallowed hard. “I could use some clothes,” he said softly.

”Ah yes, of course.” Coran rummaged around, finding a pair of white medical clothing. “These should do, yes. But how are you feeling? Any side effects, any feeling of the venom?”

Lance took the clothes numbly. He didn’t answer as he slid them on, shivering slightly at how they felt on his skin, how oversensitive he felt. Lance didn’t want to consider that at all. At least it didn’t bring on a prickle of heat, and a need. “I just want to go back to my room.”

Coran looked disappointed, but he nodded. “Of course. Would you like someone to walk you back? I could call Shiro down here-”

”No.” The word came out harsher than Lance wanted, but that was how he felt. He wanted to be alone. He wanted-

Wait.

His eyes caught on another in use cryopod. Keith. Keith was inside. “Why is-”

Coran sighed. “Somehow, Keith had come in contact with the venom as well. We are monitoring his condition. He will most likely be released soon.”

Keith had come in contact- his... lubrication. It must have been laced with the venom.

Lance felt like puking again. Even the new thing was dangerous. It wanted to rule him, felt so empty inside of him, needing to be filled even now, and now he learned that it was probably dripping with venom. The same kind that was probably drooled all over him when he was being eaten.

He shuddered.

”I’m going back to my room,” Lance muttered. He needed to leave. He needed to go before Keith woke up, before Keith saw him and knew it was all Lance’s fault.

”Of course.”

Lance left quickly, nearly running for his room. It didn’t feel right at all. Everything felt so empty...

He felt...

The vines inside him, penetrating him...

Fuck. What had they wanted to do? They had retreated... but he hadn’t been pregnant. They had changed him... but apparently for no purpose. He had been envenomed... but why? Why hold a sac of venom like that?

Why inject him with something that made him want to be fucked like that?

Lance shuddered, placing a hand on his stomach. Remembering that slosh inside of him, hated. Feared. And now gone, pulled out of him.

He never thought he could feel more violated after that attack and yet here he was.

And here he was, also needing to worry about what his own body would do next, and if it would infect anyone else. If he would be begging Shiro to fuck him, and if he would be infecting Shiro with the venom next. Putting their leader out of commission because of his... whatever.

Lance closed his eyes.

He just... wanted it to end.


	8. Chapter 8

Shiro stared at the displays, hearing Coran talk, but not making much sense of it. It didn’t make any sense at all. Lance, of course, had major changes done to his body. But even Keith had some minor changes done down to the molecular level. They had been reversed easily, but it was disturbing. And it didn’t make any sense.

What was that venom? “Coran, can you do some tests on the venom?” he asked, interrupting him.

”I’ve already started, but to be honest, I’m not sure what I can do. Altean physiology is very similar to human, but even still, I find that any tests I run on the data I have is wildly different than what has happened to Lance and Keith. It appears that any Altean that would encounter this venom would turn blue and explode.”

Shiro looked at him, lifting an eyebrow.

Thoughtfully, Coran plucked at his mustache. “I wonder what the original purpose of the venom was... and if the... new part that Lance has is not for reproductive purposes.”

”Then what would it be for?”

”Alas, I’m not quite sure.” Coran sagged. “I would suggest returning to Retyg and speaking with the M’tdea, but I worry that would only alarm us more, considering how differently the venom works within Alteans and humans. The purpose of the membrane could be different as well, and it could be a response the human body had from the trauma.”

”Humans don’t heal like that.”

”Then I’m not sure.” Coran shook his head. “I cannot be sure at all.”

Shiro looked back at the display. “Coran... could the membrane be the cryopod? That Lance had that much damage, and that was its way of making sure he was healed?”

Coran went quiet for a long time. “I believe we should speak to the M’tdea,” he finally said.

”Coran?”

”I would not rule it out, Shiro. But I believe we need to rule out all other options first. Even if this will alarm us, we should speak with them.” Coran kept his eyes on the readout. “I wish to believe our actions did not change Lance.”

Shiro closed his eyes. If that was true, saving Lance’s life was the reason he now had that part. But the other option had been letting him die. There was no good answer to this. None at all. He didn’t want any of his team to die, he didn’t want _Lance_ to die, but... was it worth it?

Damn it. What could they do? This entire situation- The only solution that didn’t end up with this sticky mess was having let Lance die back then. But even then... Shiro opened his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He was responsible for his team. He’d keep them safe.

”Talk with Allura. See if she’ll return back to Retyg so we can speak with the M’tdea.”

They would figure this out. Lance would be okay.

  


* * *

  


Every step just reminded him of what happened. Every shift, reminding him of the emptiness between his legs. At least Lance still had his dick, but even then... he didn’t want to even see it. Just the sight reminded him of the vines wrapped around him, of the pleasure rushing through him as they squeezed him-

Lance stopped in the middle of the hallways, breathing heavily. Okay. No. No more of that. He wasn’t going to have any- more- he took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He wasn’t-

The slither of a vine across his skin-

He jumped, eyes opened wide as he looked around. It was here. He had just felt it! The vines were here!

But he couldn’t see anything. And he didn’t feel another touch as he spun around, swallowing hard. Maybe... it had just been his imagination? Damn, powerful imagination then.

Lance choked back a hysterical chuckle at the thought. Powerful imagination. Or just him not able to get over the fact he had been held and changed. Nearly eaten. Nearly fucked, in a way. It had stuck its bits into his, and could have very easily fucked him. Could have very easily turned that sac into a nice little thing to breed a new bundle of vines. But no, it let him go.

Why? Why did it let him go? What was it that they still weren’t seeing?

And he still felt so _empty._ His skin didn’t burn like before, but... God, it almost felt like he wanted to be fucked.

If no one would touch him ever again, for any reason, it would be too soon. He sent a mental apology to Hunk, knowing he would be upset at not being able to touch his best bud. But... not after what happened. Not after the vines. The venom. The... the way he was just so empty of everything.

God. He wanted his body back. He wanted...

He wanted this all to end. To stop being terrible.

Lance felt himself tilt, rest up against the wall as his legs slid out from under him. The cool feeling of the wall against his cheek felt so nice... he closed his eyes, breathing out. It was nice. It was... it was good. It felt good against him.

And it made him feel paranoid. What actually felt good now? Or what was forced to feel good? Was there a difference? Would he be able to tell a difference between things that would feel good if things were normal, and things his body forced him to say felt good?

Damn it.

He was never going to have his body back, was he. Not if he couldn’t trust his body’s own reaction to something like a cold wall against his cheek. He was always going to doubt himself, his body, everything. His body wasn’t ever going to be his again.

Lance opened his eyes.

He wanted it to end. Just... stop.

Instead, he pushed himself to his feet.

Back to his room. Just get back to his room.

Lance fell back to the floor, curling up. He just felt so... so empty. It was just so empty inside of him. He needed... but he didn’t want... A soft moan escaped his lips. Oh God, he needed. He needed his body back, the things inside him that would make him whole.

He needed something inside him.

Whimpering, he curled up. He wouldn’t- he couldn’t. This was just the venom talking. Just the aftereffects. He... he didn’t want this. He didn’t- Lance felt himself sobbing, moaning, not sure if it was out of need, or out of panic. If it was because his body ached, or because his mind rebelled.

No matter how he looked at it, his body wasn’t his own. Not even now. Not even like this.

And he couldn’t even get up anymore...

  


* * *

  


A moan caught Keith’s attention. Sadly, he could pinpoint exactly who that was, and what kind of moan it was. He swallowed, feeling shivers run down his spine as he turned the corner, seeing Lance laying on the ground. “Hey.” Keith bent down, reaching out to touch him. “You need help?”

The words made Lance laugh, the noise hysterical. “Do I need-” He choked on his words, curling up just as Keith was about to touch him. “I need,” he started, licking his lips. “I- oh fuck, Keith. You know what? Even if I get what I want, I’m probably going to infect another person. I’m just... that kind of person. I won’t ever get my body back- it’s always going to be at the control of something else, it won’t ever be _mine-_ ” The rambling words were bit off, and he panted for a bit. Then, he looked up at Keith, laughing. “Some Blue Paladin.”

”Lance...”

”Heh.” Lance looked away. “Some Blue Paladin I am... I can’t even get up anymore. I try, and every part of me reminds me that I’m not me anymore. That... there’s a part of me that’s empty. A part of me that was taken from me.” He closed his eyes. “Even if the venom in that sac was taken with permission, it was still a part of me. And I still... wanted to know when it was gone. But now it’s gone without me knowing and I’m just... empty inside, Keith.” Lance opened his eyes again, not looking at Keith. “And I can’t- I can’t.”

”We can help you,” Keith told him, frustrated. “Me. Shiro. Coran. Hunk. All of us. We’ll help you.”

”Can you go back in time and make me not be stupid?” Lance whispered. “Because I just... I can’t think past the fact there used to be so much down there that isn’t there anymore. It needs something inside me and I just... I can’t. I don’t ever want to be touched again.”

Keith swallowed.

”Maybe you can kill me... make it so Blue has to find someone not so broken.”

”Okay, stop that right the fuck now!” He wasn’t going to listen to Lance be suicidal in front of him. Before he could think about it, he was pressing Lance to the floor, leaning over him. “Don’t you ever think you’re broken or worthless or-” Keith could see him panicking, he knew this was a terrible idea, but it was too late to stop now. “We’re not going to let you think that just because something bad happened to you. Something bad happened to Shiro too. You both can make it back from that.” He needed to shut up now before Lance broke. But the words didn’t stop coming out. “If you need something, then- then let me help you with it!”

... nope, he did not just say that.

Lance went very still under him, not breathing.

Keith wasn’t sure if it was out of surprise, or if he had finally been pushed too far. If he was finally in full blown panic. He slowly let Lance go, settling back so he wasn’t leaning over him. Lance didn’t move, just started barely breathing... damn it. He shouldn’t have done that. “Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

Lance suddenly took a deep shuddering breath.

And closed his eyes, going very, very, very still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith, stop doing stupid things.


	9. Chapter 9

He couldn’t breathe.

Lance... couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t- he was going to be- The vines were going to hurt him again. They had pinned him down, and now he- he-

Something touched his face and he couldn’t even flinch. There was noise, meaningless. A touch on his throat- a shaking. More noise. More. He needed to move, but he couldn’t-

The touch left his face, left him alone. He was alone. He- he was- He needed to-

Another touch on his throat. He couldn’t flinch.

Then he was picked up, cradled- and the smell, he could smell, he could breathe. Shiro’s soap. He gasped, grasping onto Shiro’s vest. Shiro. _Shiro._

A sudden _need_ filled Lance, ached inside him. Shiro. His fingers scrabbled against Shiro’s shirt, trying to find purchase. Please. _Please-_

  


* * *

  


”Lance.” Shiro’s brow knit with worry. Lance wasn’t responding to him at all. He was just grabbing at him, panting. “Lance, what is it? What’s wrong?” He could see Keith look up from his position on the floor, but he’d deal with Keith in a little bit. Lance came first. “Lance. Can you hear me?”

”I’m so stupid,” Keith whispered. “I knew he’d be attacked. Why did I do that?”

”What did you do?” Shiro demanded, shifting Lance in his arms. He still wasn’t answering him at all...

Keith closed his eyes. “I told him if he needed... I... held him down and told him if he needed, not to want to die but to ask me.”

Shivers ran down Shiro’s spine for multiple reasons. “Needed what?” Shiro asked, his voice quiet. He knew Keith knew holding him down was stupid. He didn’t need to yell at him for that.

Keith looked up at him. “He feels empty, Shiro. Broken. Like his body isn’t his. I told him if he needed something... I could help him with it.”

The sudden urge to pull Lance away from Keith’s view filled him. But Shiro only looked down at Keith, holding Lance closer as he whimpered. Moaned against him. Empty- oh God. His face suddenly burned as he felt Lance’s fingers dig into his shirt as he panted. “The venom-” he started, then closed his eyes. No. They knew there was no trace of it left in Lance’s system.

”Lance, I’m going to take you back to the med bay,” he finally said quietly. “I need to see just how much the venom changed you.”

Lance only whined, wrapping an arm around Shiro’s neck. “Fill me,” he panted, leaning up to Shiro’s ear. “Fill me.”

It sounded like a bad porno, but it had the right effect. Shiro swallowed, his pants feeling tighter. He knew Lance didn’t mean that way. That he wanted what had been taken from him replaced. But the way he was acting-

Keith stood, looking away. “I’ll be in my room,” he said quietly as he left.

Which just meant now Shiro had to deal with a writhing Lance in his arms. A traitorous part of him whispered as he felt Lance groan into his ear that... well, it wouldn’t be like with Keith. He wouldn’t hold Lance down. And the sac had been drained... he wasn’t in any danger of flooding his system with venom...

No.

Shiro felt sick just thinking it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and started towards the med bay.

Maybe they could reverse... some of it. Make him less empty. Ease his state of mind a little.

Maybe.

  


* * *

  


There was no way that Keith could feel more like a creep. None. After holding Lance down... telling him that... and then hearing those noises-

He had to leave when he did. Seeing Lance rub all against Shiro... he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t watch that. He couldn’t watch Lance... want Shiro.

The door to his room closed behind him, and he leaned up against it, staring into his room. He really was just a stand in. Something that was willing to give Lance what he wanted, but... wasn’t Shiro.

Keith groaned, tilting his head back against the door. Why was this bothering him? Was it because of the picture Lance had made in Shiro’s arms, needy and gasping? The sound, filthy and pornographic? The memory of the feeling against his fingers, the slick flesh and the taste of his skin on his tongue-

No, he could feel more like a creep. He just did, with the thrill of arousal running through him at those thoughts. They needed to figure out how to help Lance. And not in the way his dick wanted to. He had done enough stupid things. Time to think. Time to realize he needed to not do the things.

Except... his hand was already drifting over the front of his pants, making him groan. No. Keith set his jaw. He wasn’t going to jerk off to the thought of Lance. That wasn’t what Lance needed. He needed them to help him, not to perv on him. No, instead, Keith was going to go take a cold shower. He nodded, pulling his clothes off and heading for his shower.

The cold water did little to ease the arousal burning through his system. A thought that maybe it was the venom, that it had changed him too ran through his head as his fingers inched towards his cock, and fled as he finally wrapped a hand around it, his mind steadfastly not thinking about Lance as he stroked himself.

When he finally came, it was to the intrusive sound of Lance gasping in his ears.

  


* * *

  


”I’ll let you know the results of the tests,” Coran told Shiro. “My boy, Shiro, are you sleeping at all?”

Weakly, he laughed. “My turn, huh? I’m having problems, with all that’s going on. Every time I turn a corner, I feel like I’m going to see Lance and Keith, and Lance is going to be dying.”

”I may not know much about your physiology, but I assume you need much more sleep than you’re getting.”

Shiro sighed. “I do. But... I just can’t make myself go to sleep. It was hard enough before, waking up with nightmares. Now I can’t even go to sleep.”

Coran plucked at his mustache for a moment. “I could whip up a few mild sedatives. Nothing that would knock you out, of course, but enough to calm you to help you sleep.”

He shook his head. “No. That just sounds like a bad idea waiting to happen.”

”Alas, I thought the same thing right after I said it.”

Shiro looked over at Lance, at his peaceful face. He still heard the gasps in his ears, the urging to fill him, the gap between the lines that spoke pornographic levels...

Except that wasn’t what Lance meant. He wanted... he wanted what was missing back.

”Coran, can we... fix him?”

”Fix?”

”Do something for him! Give him... something other than what is basically a vagina. Give him something that’s closer to his actual body, that... that’ll be his own body. Give him what he wants.”

Coran went quiet for a moment. “I suppose,” he said quietly. “Surgery is a miraculous thing. But what you’re asking may be something we need to ask for outside help. And we would need Lance’s explicit consent. I would not want to do anything else against his will again.”

Neither would he. “Do you think the M’tdea would be able to?”

”I’m not aware of how advanced their medicine is. Perhaps.”

Perhaps.

Shiro had to hold onto that. It was another thing to ask them. Perhaps they could help Lance in this.

With a deep breath, Shiro nodded. “How far away are we?”

”We should be there shortly. I will go check.”

Shiro nodded as Coran left, looking at Lance’s face. He shouldn’t look so peaceful. This was Lance, their Blue Paladin. He was supposed to be bright. Full of energy. Not... like this. Shiro suddenly was filled with the urge to break the cryopod open, to rip Lance out. To make him more like himself.

But that wouldn’t do a thing but make it worse.

So he just watched Lance. And hoped.

And waited.


	10. Chapter 10

The M’tdea doctor squinted all six of its eyes. “I can understand what you’re asking,” it said, the voice clicking through the video feed. “But I don’t understand. You say one of yours survived an attack with a hssti?”

”He describe it as vines that tried to eat him,” Shiro told it. “We’ve also drained venom from his body that appears to be changing him.”

”Hssti venom does that, yes. It was designed to break down our skin, as it is too tough for the hssti to bite through.” The M’tdea leaned forward onto its sticklike green forearms. “I assume it does not do the same for your species?”

Shiro shook his head. “No. Not at all.”

”I would love to get ahold of the victim. It’s never been seen what hssti venom would do to another, given we have never seen one survive an attack. What sort of symptoms has yours have?”

It took Shiro a moment to untangle the sentence. “He’s had various endorphins in his system. And it appears to have changed his body. It changed a- sexual organ of his.”

The M’tdea blinked. “I don’t think I quite understand what you mean by sexual organ.”

Hardest part of dealing with certain alien races was explaining human bodies. Shiro cleared his throat, trying not to blush. “Human have organs used for reproduction. The venom appeared to have changed it.”

”I still am not understanding. Did it dissolve it?”

Oh boy. “The Paladin had a hole torn into him. It appeared the venom may have created the opposing sexual organ to the one he used to have.”

”Hssti venom simply doesn’t do that, Leader Paladin. It’s caustic by nature. It does not grow anything. The fact you react to it the way you do- I would assume you’re speaking to me due to the fact those endorphins are damaging to yours.”

Shiro’s mind went back to Lance’s still body, and the first time he felt the weak flutter of his pulse against his fingers. The way he gasped to be filled. But from what the doctor said- it made Shiro sick. The only other culprit was the cryopod, trying its best to heal what had been taken from him. Trying to give him something, and changing him without his permission. “It’s not good for him.”

”Hm.” The doctor sat back, lacing its too long and thin fingers in front of it. “If yours is willing, I would test yours. The data would be most useful-”

”I don’t think we have the time,” Shiro said hastily. “We are fighting a war here.”

The M’tdea sighed. “I did think it would be too good to be true. I do apologize I can’t be more help to yours. We simply are too different.”

”Perhaps... you might be of assistance is another way,” Shiro asked before the doctor could say more, and end the conversation. “This attack has changed his body. Would it be possible to... change it back? Or to help him in some way?”

”Without extensive tests, I fear I would only do more harm with yours. I fear the best thing for yours is to accept the body is now different.” The doctor tilted its head. “Though I assume this may not be possible?”

”He has several nerves there he didn’t have before.”

”The best advice I can suggest then is to deaden those nerves. Though, even then, that will cause its own problems. I apologize; I am of little help.”

Shiro shook his head. “Thank you for your time.”

The doctor tilted his head. “I’ve never been thanked before. What a strange custom.” Before Shiro could respond, the doctor cut the feed.

Slowly, Shiro took a deep breath and turned. Coran looked deeply disappointed, crushed, while Allura, who had set up the meeting-

Looked almost livid.

”You have been keeping this from me.” Her voice was hot, angry. “At any time, you could have told me of Lance’s condition, and I could have enlisted any help I could. But instead you felt the need to hide this from me. I am your leader-”

”And this is Lance’s body,” Shiro told her, cutting her off. As her eyes narrowed, he continued, “He has been changed against his will, and the changes were supposed to be something he needed to tell everyone on his own time. If this had happened consensually, if he consented to this change and it had gone wrong, then things may be different. But he was attacked, and he did not consent. We had to let him consent as to who learned about what happened.”

”You could have at least told me how hurt he was.”

Shiro closed his eyes. They had been so busy trying to make sure Lance wouldn’t die that it had slipped his mind. “Yes. We should have.”

Allura relented a little at the admission. “We have heard what the M’tdea have to say. Coran. What can we do from here?”

”I suppose if Lance agrees to it, I can deaden the nerves in the area so he’s not quite as aware of it. I worry the cryopod will see it as injury and attempt to heal it, however.”

The damned cryopod.

Allura closed her eyes at the thought, then opened them again. “If Lance agrees to it, do the procedure. Are you able to do it, however? That sounds rather dangerous.”

Coran didn’t immediately puff up and assure her he could, and Shiro could see her instantly worry at that. Instead, he frowned, thinking about it. “I’ve never done it before,” Coran finally admitted. “And like the good doctor, I do fear I may do more harm than good. But it appears to be our only choice.”

”I dislike this idea.”

”I do too, Allura,” Shiro told her. “But it’s the only solution we have right now. Lance isn’t taking this well. It’s as I said: this happened against his will, and it’s reminding him all the time of that fact. We need to do what we can for him.”

Allura sighed. “I dislike it, but I suppose it must be done. When Lance is able to speak again, please ask his permission. We need an answer quickly.”

Shiro nodded as Coran bowed. They needed an answer. They needed to help Lance.

They needed Lance.

  


* * *

  


Lance stared up at the ceiling as he laid in bed, music playing in his ears but not paying attention to it. The question he had heard after coming out of the cryopod... asking if he would agree to surgery... he barely could stutter out a “I’ll think about it” before rushing out of the room.

More tinkering with his bits. Fuck. That didn’t... Lance placed a hand over his groin, imagining the emptiness inside. The new hole leading into a new part. They wanted to do something to that. Change it. Maybe it’d be more like his old self, but- it just felt like more invasive things happening to him. More changes. He just- he couldn’t do it.

So what then? He had a potentially dangerous vagina? A nasty urge to have it filled that made him want to throw up because just the thought brought back memories of the vines?

Maybe it’d be for the best. But he didn’t want any more changes done to him. He was done with that. It just made him feel... exhausted, after hearing that. That he could have more done to him. He just... didn’t want it. He didn’t want his body violated any more than it already was.

With a grunt, Lance sat up. He needed to walk. This laying here wasn’t doing him any good. He was just stewing in his own angst doing this. Just.

Get up.

And walk.

  


* * *

  


Keith toweled off his hair as he walked back to his room. That had been a good workout. He had pushed himself further than he thought he could go, and it had turned out wonderfully. It was... so very satisfying when it happened.

Then he paused, tilting his head. Something wasn’t right.

He frowned, turning around. What was going on? Where... where was it wrong? It was in this direction- like he heard something. Something- closing? What would be closing?

And just as he came close, he saw the airlock door close completely.

No one was nearby.


	11. Chapter 11

It meant nothing. Glitch. The airlock could open for a lot of reasons. It didn’t mean-

Keith dropped the towel, running for Lance’s room. He barely slid to a stop in front of the door before his fist was pounding on it, hard, fast. “Open up, Lance!” His knocking only became more frantic when Lance didn’t answer. “Come on! Open up!”

Nothing. Keith swallowed. Maybe Lance was listening to music. That happened. Except... Keith slammed his hand onto the door, breathing heavily.

He didn’t even hear anyone moving behind the door.

Keith turned, running. He had to find Shiro. Maybe Lance was with him. Maybe they were talking. If not, Shiro would know what to do. He always knew what to do. When Keith fucked up, Shiro knew how to fix it. He’d know where to find Lance. If Lance was okay. Shiro would know.

He couldn’t find Shiro in the training room or the med bay. Keith rushed towards the bridge, hoping to find Shiro there, talking to Allura. He had to be somewhere.

”Keith.” There. There he was, walking down the hall towards the bridge. Shiro looked surprised as he ran up to him, panting. “What’s going on?”

”Lance,” he gasped out. “I can’t find him anywhere.”

”He probably doesn’t want to be bothered, Keith,” Shiro told him, his voice gentle. “He’s had a lot happen to him lately, and he needs some space. I would let him-”

”I heard the airlock closing!”

Shiro paused. “You heard-”

Keith nodded, swallowing. “And I couldn’t see anyone around. He’s been... kind of suicidal lately. I think he-”

With a motion, Shiro cut him off. “I’ll get Allura to search the Castle,” he told him. “We’ll find him.”

That caused a knot in his stomach to relax. Yeah. Shiro knew what to do. That was why he was their leader. Keith inhaled deeply, nodding. “I’ll keep looking. I-”

”Keith, you’ll go back to your room.”

What?

”If Lance is suicidal as you say, you may not be the best person to find him. You two have... not gotten along very well in the past. You’re going to go back to your room until further notice.”

Damn it. He was right. “Fine.” Keith ran a hand through his sweaty hair, dimly remembering he had dropped a towel. He’d have to go find that first. “Just, find him.”

”I will,” Shiro promised.

Keith nodded, and left. He’d go stop by the airlock and get the towel. Hearing Allura lecture about cleanliness on the ship was amusing zero times. But when Keith got there, the towel wasn’t there. He had... he had dropped it, right? Keith touched his neck, wondering if he had just let it drape across his shoulders and no, it wasn’t there.

”Hey.”

He looked up, seeing Lance holding out the towel. “I think you dropped this.”

Oh God he was okay. Without another thought, Keith grabbed his wrist, pulling him into a hug as the towel dropped to the ground. “Fuck you and you scaring me,” he mumbled into his shoulder. “You’re not allowed to be suicidal and have the airlock door open also.”

Instead of laughing, instead of playing it off, or instead of going rigid, afraid, Lance went quiet. Defeated. “I thought about it,” he whispered.

Keith just growled, holding him tighter.

Slowly, Lance’s hands came up, arms wrapping around him. “They can’t fix me,” he told him quietly. “All they can do is tweak it, and that means surgery. It means I’d have to have someone mess with me more and get me further away from what I’m supposed to have. I mean, if I was intersex from birth or I wanted a vagina, this would be different. But I- this isn’t _me._ And I don’t want any more messing with me that isn’t... getting _me_ back. But they can’t do it.”

Slowly, Keith lifted his head, nose against Lance’s ear.

”I’m not _me_ anymore. And all anyone can do is make me more not me.”

”That doesn’t mean you should kill yourself,” Keith whispered into his ear, feeling Lance shiver against him.

”I know,” Lance told him. “I know. That’s why I didn’t. I kind of... realized I shouldn’t. Because that’s not me either. I just... I don’t know what ‘me’ is anymore.”

Keith pulled back slightly so he could look at Lance’s face. “I don’t know either,” he confessed.

Lance closed his eyes, sagging slightly. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Before he could think about it, Keith lifted a hand, cupping Lance’s face. “Hey. Don’t do that.” Gently, he tilted Lance’s face towards his. “It’ll be okay.”

Lance turned his face away just before Keith could kiss him.

”Yeah,” Lance whispered. “I guess so.”

  


* * *

  


It was stupid. Keith had his fingers deep in him once, but... He didn’t want Keith to kiss him.

Lance sighed, resting his head on Keith’s shoulder. It was so stupid. He could still almost feel the echoes of Keith’s fingers inside of him, the way it made him feel... Lance squeezed his eyes tightly closed as the memory made his new vagina almost ache with its emptiness. With the fact it wasn’t really a vagina, and there should be something there instead.

He sighed, pulling away. Absently, one hand dropped, resting his hand over his lower abdomen. Keith looked down, following the trail of his arm to where his hand pressed. “How does it feel?” he asked quietly, letting Lance go.

”Empty,” he admitted. “Little like someone scooped something out of me. Kinda hurts.”

”Have you-” Keith broke off, his face blushing a brilliant red.

Lance snorted, seeing the perverted question finishing on Keith’s face. “It... the last person to touch it has been you.”

The implication of the words hung in the air. That Lance hadn’t touched himself since then, that he had let Keith be the last one. They both knew what happened to Lance, and why Lance wouldn’t want to touch it. But... he could see Keith’s pupils dilate.

Suddenly, it was very warm.

The idea of letting Keith touch it again... he could almost her the slithering of the vines at the thought. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to dissociate touch there from the attack. But it felt so empty... and he remembered how _good_ it felt to have Keith’s fingers inside of him...

Lance met Keith’s gaze, his breathing slightly heavier now.

He needed to go. Now. Before he did something stupid. Before Keith did something stupid. That actually was more likely, since Keith was king of doing stupid things. But he needed to go. He needed to leave. Go back to his room, somewhere far less public...

Keith stepped in close, his breath mingling with Lance’s. “Can I?”

Lance inhaled sharply.

He needed to go.

He could feel Keith’s fingers reaching out, hesitantly touching his inner thigh.

Before they were stupid, he needed to go-

It would only hurt Keith- it was possibly poisonous-

Lance exhaled shakily as Keith’s fingers swept up his inner thigh, towards his crotch.

He needed it.

”Yes,” he moaned, spreading his legs slightly. Keith’s fingers instantly pressed into the seam of his pants, teasing. Lance gripped Keith’s upper arms as he lifted his hand, toying with the zipper-

Only to hear Shiro clear his throat behind him.

”Keith.”

Instantly, Keith pulled back. He dropped down, grabbing the towel, and left, not looking at either of them.

Lance just stood there for a moment, embarrassment filling him. Shiro had caught them. Shiro had caught him- his hand dropped, pressing his palm over his lower abdomen, fingers splayed.

Keith’s actions had just made it hurt so much now. Damn it.

  


* * *

  


Lance wasn’t moving.

Shiro came up beside him, worried. Was he wrong? Should he have let- no, they shouldn’t have been doing that. Especially not here. Lance- Lance didn’t need to be reminded of the attack. But when he came over to Lance, he could see him pressing his hand into his abdomen.

”It hurts, Shiro,” Lance told him quietly. Slowly, he looked up at him, and Shiro’s heart nearly stopped at the way Lance’s eyes were heated and dilated. The slightly parted lips. “It hurts.”

The sudden urge to sweep away all of Keith’s touch with his own filled Shiro, and he had to clench his hands to keep himself from doing it. “Do you need some painkillers, or-”

Lance shook his head.

Unable to stop himself, Shiro reached up, stroking Lance’s head with his natural hand. Lance nuzzled into the touch, breathing heavily as he looked at Shiro with hooded eyes.

Shiro exhaled shakily.

”Do you need-”

Lance shook his head, keeping his gaze on Shiro.

If he gave in, it would be bad for Lance. It would trigger memories of the attack. Of what happened to him. He couldn’t- he had to be stronger than that. He had to not-

Lance pressed his lips against Shiro’s palm.

Shiro pressed Lance against the wall, kissing him. He felt Lance take his natural hand, press it between his legs, and he let him. He let Lance guide him as he kissed him, let Lance shove his pants down, let him trace the ragged edges of the hole (and oh, how his heart ached to feel the uneven edges), let Lance guide two fingers into him...

He felt so weak as Lance gasped, going rigid against him.

Shiro closed his eyes tightly, breaking the kiss to rest his lips on Lance’s forehead. He wouldn’t thrust. No matter how good it felt around his fingers, he’d let Lance do what he wanted. He wouldn’t- “Lance?”

Lance was so still against him. Damn it. He should have been stronger. He knew this would be bad for him, would trigger bad memories- Shiro started to pull his fingers out, swearing under his breath.

”Don’t.”

Shiro paused, looking at Lance. His eyes slowly opened, not looking at anything. “I’m sorry,” Shiro whispered.

And slowly pulled his fingers out.

He caught Lance as he fell, watching the panic hit him all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to pull this back to trash and it keeps resisting me.


	12. Chapter 12

”Do you need anything?”

Shiro’s voice came to him from far away. But Shiro was talking to him. Lance turned his head, looking at him. He had his face next to his... oh, Shiro had taken him to his room. He was laying down. Shiro was kneeling next to his bed. Lance felt his hand move, felt it drop over his lower abdomen.

Oh, Shiro wanted an answer.

Lance couldn’t think of anything. He opened his mouth to say that, but no sound came out. Shiro sighed, standing, looking like he was ready to leave.

”Don’t leave.”

Shiro paused at that, looking back at Lance. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “After what I’ve done-”

”I don’t want to be alone.”

Lance watched as Shiro looked away. But finally, he went over to the chair, sitting down. “I’m sorry,” he told him. “I knew better. I knew what happened, and that you haven’t-”

”It was fine.” Lance felt his fingers dig into his skin a little. It still felt empty, the only point of sensation not dulled. “It...”

”Lance. Don’t lie to me.”

He went quiet, looking away. Silence filled the air, uncomfortable between them. Lance felt the need to fill it, to explain himself. To say something. He opened his mouth, licking his lips before finally saying, “The emptiness almost feels like I’m always horny, except without being hard.”

”Oh.”

And now this was even more uncomfortable. “No matter what, I always... feel it. Even now. It’s like I always want to be filled.” He turned his head, seeing Shiro swallow and look away, a flush crossing his face. “I don’t think I want your cock,” Lance said softly. “I don’t think I could ever... after what happened. I don’t even know if it stretches and could fit a dick up there. But the closest I get to feeling like it’s filled is having your fingers in me.”

”Lance...” Shiro didn’t look at him, obviously trying to keep a hold of himself.

”And then I freak out... because it could be poisonous. And because it’s not me. I shouldn’t have this. Someone shouldn’t be knuckle deep inside me like that. If fingers are inside, they should be in my ass, not a... thing ripped into me. But I might be hurting you, and I have something inside me in a part that shouldn’t be there and it’s just like when I was attacked-” Lance took a deep breath, trying not to panic. “I know... the venom is gone. But I-”

”You don’t have to be okay with sex right away,” Shiro told him gently, finally looking back at him.

Lance ran a thumb up and down, across his skin. Over where he felt empty. “It drives me insane,” he admitted. “To feel so... empty-horny.”

Shiro swallowed.

Another time, it would be great to see Shiro so affected by what he was saying. Another time, Lance would be using it to get some. This time, Lance just turned his head, looking away. “I just want everything that happened reversed,” he said softly. “I don’t want... it modified. It feels like it’s just getting further away from ‘me.’ I want who I was back.”

He heard the sound of Shiro’s fingers rubbing over metal. “You won’t ever get him back,” he heard Shiro said quietly. “No matter how hard you try... the past you is gone. You just have to... learn who you are now. Move forward with who you are now.”

Lance turned his head, watching Shiro stare at his Galra hand, rubbing the metal with his natural one. Seeing the white lock of hair. The scar. “How do you do it?” he whispered.

”With the help of you guys.” Shiro smiled a little at him. “It’s not easy, I’ll admit. But I have a great team.”

A great team. Lance looked up at the ceiling. “So how am I supposed to use you guys to deal with the fact I feel basically horny all the time to the point it’s all I can think about and taking care of it makes me panic?”

Shiro sighed. “Lance...”

Lance looked over at him.

”Have you... tried doing it yourself?”

And Lance just closed his eyes tightly.

”I don’t want to feel what happened to me,” he whispered.

After a moment of silent Shiro spoke up. “We’re here for you, no matter what,” he told him gently. “Always.”

Lance opened his eyes, looking at him.

”Kiss me?” he whispered.

”Lance, no.”

”I don’t want you to stick anything in me. Just... I like you a lot. I just want...”

”Lance.” Shiro’s voice was firm. “No. Because if I do... I may not stop.”

He felt so empty.

He didn’t want Shiro to stop.

Lance looked away. He wanted Shiro to stop, to say no, to... to be Shiro. But he also didn’t...

”Okay.”

”I’m sorry, Lance.”

He closed his eyes.

  


* * *

  


So.

He could yell at himself for almost sending Lance into a panic attack.

He could yell at himself for almost sending Lance into a panic attack in a very public place and getting caught by Shiro.

Or he could take care of the fact he was painfully hard in his pants.

Keith exhaled hard, sitting on his bed. Option three was not happening. Option one didn’t seem to cover enough. So that left option two.

Why the hell had he done that? He knew better. But when Lance turned his head away... and then looked back at him, so openly wanting him... Keith groaned, hitting the back of his head against the wall. He fucking knew better. He knew better.

He needed to stay away from Lance. He obviously couldn’t trust himself around him. Stay away unless they were in public. Anyway, it wasn’t Keith Lance wanted. That much was obvious by the way he turned his head away. He let Keith touch him. That was all.

And Keith wasn’t sure if he wanted more than that.

Lance wanted Shiro... but did he want to give Lance what he wanted from Shiro? Did he want that in return? Or did he just want to shove Lance’s pants down and thrust his fingers into him until Lance was a shuddering pile of pleasure?

The thought sent a pulse down between his legs, making him groan. That. He wanted that. He wanted to see Lance hold onto him, gasping as Keith pounded into him, making him come as often as he was able to-

But did he want more than that? Lance was kind of annoying. Kind of an asshole. He... didn’t really think it’d be a good idea to have more than just a good quick fuck with him. Make him a puddle of pleasure.

Keith grunted, palming the front of his pants.

... maybe he’d just rub one out. Really quick.

Not to the thought of what just happened or the thought of fucking Lance. He had other fantasies. He could jerk off to other ideas. But every time he closed his eyes, taking his hard cock in hand, all he could hear was Lance, all he could see was Lance-

His cock jumped in his grasp, and he stroked absently, trying to banish them. But the more he tried, the more he could hear Lance. Keith gasped, his free hand gripping the bedsheets as he stroked himself, trying so hard not to beat it to the sound of Lance...

When he came, it was to the sound of Lance’s voice moaning, “Yes.”

He couldn’t do this. He needed to stay away from Lance, before he seriously hurt him. Because he really, really, _really_ wanted to fuck him, and that was the opposite of what Lance needed.

Keith tilted his head up, looking at the ceiling.

”I’m an idiot,” he whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

So maybe the most annoying thing was he could not move. Lance stared up at the ceiling, hand cupped over the empty feeling, and let out a frustrated breath. Just sitting up made the empty feeling worse, sending that almost horny pulse of need through him. What made that worse was... he knew he wasn’t horny at all. He just needed it _filled._

God. He’d take _Hunk_ right now and that would definitely ruin everything they’d ever known between them. The entire thing just felt so sexual it sent him into panic attacks, and it would be sexual enough that doing that with anyone would change everything.

But God, he would take Hunk’s fingers in him right now. They were thick. They’d fill him up. Allura’s would be too thin, too dainty. Unless she shapeshifted them, then they would be just perfect. Lance closed his eyes tightly, trying to forget who else’s fingers felt just right. The other two who filled him just perfectly.

Was something wrong with him? Could he even be the Blue Paladin like this?

Only one way to check. He would have to move. Slowly, he stood, feeling the empty feeling inside him pulse. He could ignore it, though. Just get down to the hangar. See Blue. See if she’d let him in. If he could get in, he at least technically was still the Blue Paladin. He could still do it. Once he figured that out, he’d go from there.

Though... each step was harder than he expected. It reminded him he had nothing between his legs, and it made him ache. But just get down there and back. That was all.

The hangar was empty when he got there. Good. He didn’t want to see anyone. He drug himself to Blue, keeping his eyes on her. Keeping his eyes on hers.

And he stopped.

He swore he could _feel_ Keith entering behind him, a scorching presence behind him. Lance stifled a groan, slowly turning. “Hey.”

Keith’s eyes were dark, the pupil dilated already. God. What was wrong with them? Why did this hit them like this? Lance found himself taking a step closer already, aching. Remembering how it felt to have Keith’s fingers in him. But they were in public... they shouldn’t do this. One of them had to stop and not be dumb, and he already knew it wasn’t going to be Keith.

Or maybe it was. Keith shook his head, looking away. His hands balled into fists at his sides as he breathed out. Maybe they’d be okay this time. Just one of them walk away and Lance could go about his business of talking to Blue and then going to see Coran because something was seriously wrong. He didn’t know what, but something was wrong.

”Lance.” Fuck. Keith’s voice was low, barely held together. They both needed to see Coran. Maybe Blue could wait while they found him and went down to the med bay. Coran should be checking the systems- Lance opened his mouth to say that when Keith looked up.

Oh God.

He didn’t even resist as Keith pulled him close, their breath mingling. “Something’s wrong,” Lance breathed into Keith’s mouth, letting Keith push him to the floor.

”Yeah,” Keith whispered back, crawling on top of him.

”We shouldn’t do this.”

”Yeah.”

Keith pressed him to the floor, kissing him before he could stop him.

  


* * *

  


Lance tasted amazing.

And he was right. Something was wrong.

Keith started to pull away. He needed to stop. They needed to stop, to find Coran and see what was wrong. Slowly, he sat up slightly, fingers running across Lance’s torso.

Lance inhaled sharply, his hands coming to grip Keith’s biceps.

The faint hold Keith had regained on his self control waved, and he looked down at Lance, licking his lips. He wanted to- it didn’t matter what he wanted to do. He needed to get up off Lance. He needed to-

Lance groaned, lifting his hips slightly into Keith’s as Keith shifted, Keith’s erection lightly pressing into him.

Before he could stop himself, Keith pulled back, hands going to Lance’s pants. Lance helped, panting in his ear as he shoved his pants down enough to spread his legs, to allow Keith access. Without more thought, Keith shoved his fingers in, feeling the familiar heat. He started thrusting inside of Lance as he leaned up, kissing him. Lance felt so good around his fingers...

Ruthlessly, Keith twisted his fingers, searching. There had to be something good, something that would make him gasp. He searched, thrusting against every part of him until Lance threw his head back, breaking the kiss as his hips rose, rolling desperately into the touch. It wasn’t like anything else he had seen, but despite the lack of any ejaculate he knew that had to be Lance orgasming. He had just brought Lance to orgasm with his fingers.

He needed to be inside Lance.

Keith pulled his fingers out, going straight for his own pants. They were unzipped and kicked off quickly, and Keith pulled Lance’s pants off him completely, spreading his legs. He reached down, guiding the head to press against that hole. It didn’t stretch much as he pressed, didn’t give, but he needed to be inside him. He needed-

Lance wasn’t looking at him. He was... very still.

The head slid into Lance.

Lance inhaled sharply, but didn’t move. Didn’t blink.

Slowly, Keith pulled out. No. Lance wasn’t... participating. He didn’t want to be inside Lance unless he was participating. And he wouldn’t- fuck, he was stupid. Lance had been attacked. This would just remind him of it. Cursing under his breath, Keith retrieved Lance’s underwear and pants, sliding them back on him. Quickly, Keith dressed as well, swallowing as he tucked himself in.

Coran. Get Coran. Get Shiro. Get help.

He threw Lance’s arm over his shoulder and lifted him up. Get Coran. Get Shiro. Get help. He could do that. He knew how to do that. Get Shiro. He would know what to do.

Keith started out of the hangar, searching for one of the two men.

  


* * *

  


Considering everything that had been happening, just once, Shiro would have liked to see Keith and Lance not in dire straits. And yet, here they were. Keith hauling along a very blatantly panicking Lance. And by the way Keith’s pants strained, he had an idea how it happened. “Something’s wrong, Shiro,” Keith reported as soon as they came close.

That much was obvious. Shiro nodded, reaching out to take Lance. “I’ll make sure he’s-”

”No, I mean- for both of us. Something’s happened to both of us.” Keith’s hands held Lance closer as Shiro reached out. “We need Coran.”

Shiro took a moment, looking at the two of them. Keith normally wouldn’t be this bad, this horny. He knew him; Keith didn’t have a sex drive _this_ high. And he already knew Lance was dealing with an emptiness that almost felt sexual. Add in the fact Shiro had been losing bits of his own self control during the conversation with Lance, something he shouldn’t have-

He narrowed his eyes.

”I’ll get Coran. Head to the medical bay.”

He had a feeling something was desperately wrong with all three of them. And Coran needed to make sure the venom was completely clear from Lance. Because Shiro just had a bad feeling that it hadn’t cleared completely.

Keith left with Lance, and Shiro turned to get Coran. Hopefully he still had more of the anti-venom, or at least could synthesize more. Shiro had a feeling they’d need it.

  


* * *

  


”Fascinating.” Coran didn’t even sound amazed by the discovery. Only a little... defeated. “It appears the function of the sac is to constantly produce venom in miniscule amounts. I should be able to remove that easily while Lance is asleep. I would think the reason Keith here is having such problems is that you have come in contact with that venom again.”

Keith nodded, not even looking up. Just... also feeling defeated.

”A simple dose of anti-venom for both you and Shiro should fix you up. And then Lance should be free as well. I would assume he would feel everything less keenly without the venom as well.”

Keith nodded again.

The shot hurt, but that was it was.

And then the horniness faded, and he could think. Realize what he had done.

”I’m going,” Keith whispered, feeling sick to his stomach.

They let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter legit had me going "how far is too far..."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /updates warnings

Strike. Block. Dodge. Dodge. Strike.

Keith’s felt his breath scrape in his throat as he finally defeated the gladiator, falling to one knee. He had done it. Level 4. He should leave, go back to his room, rest up-

No. He shook his head. He needed to beat level 4 again. And again. Prove that he could. Keith slowly stood, breathing unsteadily. “Begin simulation, level 4,” he called out.

Nothing.

”Begin simulation!”

Nothing.

The fucking failsafe was kicking in. The code that Pidge and Hunk had written after the incident with the Galra crystal, making sure no one would be hurt by the training room. It had decided he had been down there long enough and it wouldn’t work for him now.

Keith closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. That was fine. He didn’t need anything to train against. He could just find a punching bag or something and just- train or- run around the castle or something or- just forget about what he had done, everything he had done to Lance, from how he got him attacked to-

”Begin simulation!” Keith called out again, a little desperate. He needed not to think. He needed-

The failsafe remained, and the simulation did not start.

Keith turned, shaking. He was going for a run. Something. There was an unused portion of the castle he could run in. He’d go there. Away from everyone. Run. Do something.

Run.

Fuck. He had been such an idiot. At least he had gotten help for Lance, helped Lance finally get free of the venom, but... fuck. He had done so many wrong things. He-

Run.

Don’t think.

  


* * *

  


”Begin simulation!”

That was Keith’s voice. Shiro furrowed his brow as he stepped closer to the training room. What was Keith doing there? Why was Keith in the training room at this ungodly hour?

”Begin simulation, damn it! I’m telling you to begin the fucking simulation!”

Alarmed, Shiro stepped into the training room. Keith was standing in the middle, holding his bayard. And even Shiro could see his arm trembling, fighting to hold onto his bayard. “Keith,” he said, his voice carrying. He could see Keith flinch at Shiro’s voice as he came closer. “Keith,” he repeated, firming his voice.

”It won’t work,” Keith told him, almost growling. “It’s broken or something. I need to train-”

”And you’re barely holding on to your bayard.” Keith flinched again. “Keith, what’s wrong?”

”Nothing and shut up. I just need to-”

”Keith.” He didn’t like pulling out his leader voice, but if he had to start to pull rank, he would. He would call him cadet, Paladin, anything to break through to him that he needed to talk to Shiro.

Instead of answering, Keith just growled, pushing past him to leave.

”Paladin.” Shiro watched as Keith froze. He really didn’t like pulling rank, but right now, it was required. “Do not run away and tell me what’s going on.”

Keith turned to him, his jaw set. “Fight me.”

Shiro sighed. “That isn’t-”

”Fight me. If I win, I can leave. If you win, I’ll tell you everything.”

”You can barely hold your bayard,” Shiro told him. “It’s not going to be a fair fight.” He watched Keith look away, swallowing. “Keith, everything’s going to be okay now. Lance is okay. He’s up and walking now. I haven’t talked to him, but it looks like everything worked. You’re-”

”I don’t want to talk about it,” Keith growled. “I don’t want to-”

”Keith-”

He glared at Shiro. “You wouldn’t understand. And I don’t want to talk about it. At all. So either turn off the failsafe here so I can train or fight me. Or let me go.”

There was no way that Shiro was going to let Keith hurt himself training or trying to fight against Shiro. Sadly, the best option seemed to be to let Keith leave, despite everything telling him not to do that. With a deep breath, Shiro nodded, letting him go.

Damn it. What had happened? Why was Keith so wound up? He thought about talking to Lance, but he was doing his best to avoid people too. Something had happened, and neither of them were talking. In fact, it seemed like Lance was pulling away more than before, if that was possible.

Shiro sighed, running a hand through his hair. His team was falling apart around him and he couldn’t stop it. If he had just kept a closer eye on Keith and Lance at all times...

He was such an idiot.

  


* * *

  


After having the last bit of surgery, the only hint he had that his body was different was the lack of balls between his legs. He couldn’t feel any emptiness inside of him. Coran had messed with his body one more time.

Lance curled up on his bed. Shiro had let Coran mess with his body. And Keith- he shivered. Whatever happened, he didn’t- he didn’t even know how to parse it anymore. His brain just refused to explain what happened, how he felt about it, how he reacted. It just... refused. He wanted to forget it all, just stay here, curled up...

He closed his eyes.

Shiro had tried to be supportive of him. Tried... tried to be there. But he couldn’t do it. He- Shiro had let Coran fuck with his body more. He couldn’t-

No. He had to. He had to do this. He had to be the Blue Paladin.

Lance took a deep breath. Yeah. He could do this. He could... do it. Just... get through each day. The most recently tinkering already made it easier. He didn’t constantly have that empty horny feeling. He... didn’t feel horny at all, ever. Which he could miss, but not right now. That was okay. But he didn’t even feel the emptiness inside of him. He could forget about it. Which would be nice if it had meant he went back to his old self.

If it hadn’t meant more violation.

That was just the common thread, wasn’t it? Let’s violate Lance. It didn’t matter how. Just make him feel like he was getting further and further away from what his body was supposed to be.

Lance shivered.

He had to do this. He had to be the Blue Paladin. He couldn’t-

He had to.

  


* * *

  


He’d feel bad about lying to Pidge later. Right now, though, Keith had the override code to the failsafe. He was going to use it. “Begin simulation 2x594y,” he called out, hoping it would work. Pidge had said if the failsafe had gotten stuck to use that sequence. But she didn’t say how. Was there a panel to enter it into? But everything there was in Altean, so unless she had to hook up one of her computers to enter it...

But a gladiator came to life, and Keith grinned. It worked. Without another thought, he threw himself at the gladiator, striking.

Strike. Block. Block. Dodge.

Damn. That last one was a bit slow. He could feel the sharp point of the sword whistle past him. He had to pay attention. Just strike. Strike. Strike. Block. Dodge. Block-

Keith stumbled back. Damn it...

The gladiator closed in on him.

Block-

Damn it-

Block-

The sword came in, aiming for Keith’s chest, and he knew he moved to block a second too late. He couldn’t-

  


* * *

  


An alarm went off in Shiro’s room. Instantly, he stood from his push up, running out. That wasn’t the attack alarm- no one else was rushing out. No, that was a different alarm. Someone was hurt. That was the alarm they had put on the training room-

His heart seized.

Keith.

But the failsafe- it wouldn’t let him-

But when he entered, and he saw Keith lying in a far too large pool of his own blood, far too still, a sword sticking out of his chest, he knew. His fingers pressed into Keith’s throat, searching for a pulse. Searching. Praying.

Hoping...

Shiro closed his eyes.

Ever so slowly, he pulled Keith’s body close to him, pressing his nose into Keith’s hair.

”I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had someone ask if it was endgame Klance, Shance, or Shklance and I just thought... none of the above?


	15. Chapter 15

”Good work, guys.”

Tired smiles met Shiro. It had been a long grueling battle, but they had won. They had managed it. Four of them against a fleet was difficult... but they had won. And Allura had managed to possibly find a hint of someone who could be their next Red Paladin. That would make things better.

Their next Red Paladin... Shiro watched Pidge walk off, almost dragging herself to her shower. Hunk tried to touch Lance, clasp his shoulder, and Lance shied away from the touch. Very quietly, almost to the point Shiro couldn’t hear him, Lance said, “I’m going back to my room.”

Damn it. Lance had stopped talking unless absolutely needing to. And when he did, his words were quiet, almost inaudible. Shiro knew what happened impacted Lance the most, but... he had no idea how to help him. It hurt to see Lance so quiet, to see the normally bright and vivacious Paladin quiet and withdrawn. Ever since the attack...

All Shiro could do was watch Lance. Make sure they didn’t lose their Blue Paladin as well. Lance seemed he wanted to keep moving forward, but... he wasn’t sure. After what happened, he couldn’t ever be sure. He watched Hunk wander off, and ran a hand through his hair, hoping the team wasn’t fractured to the point they wouldn’t be able to form Voltron even with a new Red Paladin. They needed to form Voltron.

He sighed.

He needed to talk to Lance.

It scared him, seeing how Lance had gotten. He just... needed to make sure Lance was okay.

Shiro started down to Lance’s room. Maybe Lance wouldn’t talk to him right now, but... he had to try. Or, wait, take a shower first. There was no reason to try to talk to him if he could possibly be in the shower. Shiro turned for his room, intent on taking a quick shower. Just to stop smelling like he had just gone three rounds in the arena.

Once he was done, he went back to Lance’s room, knocking on the door. It took a moment, but the door opened, Lance looking up at Shiro. The two of them stood there in silence for a moment befor Shiro cleared his throat. “May I come in?”

Lance shook his head.

Shiro blinked at that. Did Lance not want anyone alone with him anymore? Or... did he want to be able to have something between him and Shiro? Be able to close the door at any time? The fact Lance had to worry about either made Shiro’s blood run cold. “I just... wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Lance shrugged.

”You’ve been really quiet. It’s not like you at all.”

Lance shrugged again.

”I just-”

”I’m not going to do anything dumb.” Lance’s voice was near inaudible.

The words made a knot in Shiro’s shoulders relax. “Lance, I-”

”I’ll listen to you from now on. That’s why all this happened. I didn’t listen to you. I’ll stop being dumb and listen to you.”

”Lance, that isn’t-”

He shook his head.

Shiro looked at him for a moment, then sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Lance looked away.

”I want to help, Lance. I just... I don’t know how.”

He shrugged, making Shiro close his eyes. There might not be anything he could do.

”If there’s anything I can do for you... just... just let me know. I’ll help you any way I can.”

Lance nodded.

Shiro stood there for a moment more. Everything just felt... unfinished. Like there was more he could do. But Lance just closed the door, ending the conversation. There wasn’t more he could do.

There wasn’t anything he could do except be there for him, if he wanted him.

That was all he could do.

  


* * *

  


Lance didn’t even realize he had been changed anymore. It’d been long enough that the feel between his legs was natural. Normal to him. He rolled with it.

It was natural, normal now that they didn’t have a Red Paladin. That he didn’t have Keith to yell at, to be rivals with. Sure, they might have a new Red Paladin in like a week or so, but it was normal not to have one now.

Just... it was normal life now.

Lance laid down, resting a hand on his stomach. Life had become normal.

Except he hadn’t. He was... he wasn’t normal. He wasn’t himself.

But it didn’t matter. Just beat Zarkon. Make the universe safe again. Make sure everyone else could go back home.

His stomach twisted at the thought of going home. He’d love to do it. He’d love to go home, to see his family after the universe was saved. To be safe again, to be able to be loved. But... he wasn’t that Lance anymore. Not just because of what was between his legs. That was just physical, and honestly, was just a part of him now. No, he was... changed in different ways. He knew it. He wasn’t the same Lance. They wouldn’t be getting their Lance back. And he didn’t... he didn’t want to give them hope and then disappoint them like that.

But if he didn’t... would that mean he stayed with Allura? That would mean staying with Coran, and the thought made his stomach twist. Coran didn’t want to do anything wrong, and did everything with his health and continued existence in mind, but... Lance closed his eyes. Coran had still messed with his body.

Shiro had let him. Shiro had let Coran operate on him, let him violate Lance more and more. He couldn’t... he couldn’t stay with Shiro. What else would he do, just so Lance would stay alive?

He just didn’t think he could fit in back on Earth. Not after what had happened to him. So he couldn’t go to Pidge or Hunk’s family.

Maybe explore the universe? That sounded like a bad idea. Lance knew he was dumb. He’d get himself killed if he did that.

He exhaled slowly. He’d figure it out. When Zarkon was defeated, he’d figure it out.

Until then, he’d fight. He’d fight, and win.

And have Keith’s time in Voltron not be a waste. Have his time mean something.

Have it so they would all win.

Yeah.

He could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe I meant for this to be just trash? Just porn? I still don't know where I went wrong.
> 
> So yeah. This is the end. Thank you all so much for your support. Y'all are amazing. And I am so sorry to anyone that came here looking for 15 chapters of trash and ended up with horror.


End file.
